After Undercover
by SD130413
Summary: What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also raped her?**_

"_No...please...don't" He cries were now a mere desperate whimper as she weakly fought against the large figure forcing himself against her. _

"_Don't!" She pleaded as fresh tears stung her eyes. _

"_This will be less painful for both of us if you stop fighting!" He hissed before she slapped her across the face. _

_She just yelped helplessly, her hands cuffed behind her back she was powerless against him, her body sore and broken from the beating and her throat dry from the screaming which had failed to bring anyone to her rescue. _

"Liv?" Elliot only dropped his hand to her shoulder but she leapt five feet from her chair, dropping the steaming coffee she had been nursing, the mug smashing and sending the liquid inside flying in all directions.

"Shit." She mumbled as she reached for the box of tissues kept on her desk for victims reporting a crime.

Elliot rushed to grab a towel, dustpan and brush before rushing back to Olivia's side to help her clean the mess.

"Where did you go Liv?" He asked gingerly.

"Where did I what?" She spat.

"Before I touched you, you may have been here physically but your mind wasn't, so where were you?" He stopped cleaning to look at her but she didn't look at him.

"Dreaming of retirement." Olivia mumbled, the lie seeping through her mouth before she'd even contemplated it.

"Right." Elliot replied not believing a word of it. "What happened in Sealview Olivia?" He asked softly.

"Can't you just drop it? I left Sealview four days ago and all you have done is ask me what happened there and I keep telling you nothing! When is that going to sink in Elliot?" She snapped.

"I'm sorry Liv it's just ... well... you've been different since you've been back." Elliot explained his gaze shifting back to the floor as she spoke.

"Of course I've been different El." She sighed resting her hand on his arm. "I was in prison for Christ sake that's obviously going to have affected me a little, but I'm fine, thank you for worrying about me but there is really nothing to worry about."

"Sorry Liv." He mumbled before taking the remnants of the mug to the nearby bin.

They finished cleaning in utter silence and once done Olivia rushed off not wanting to be around people anymore. She found herself closing the door of the cribs and slowly made her way to the cot furthest away from the door. Her entire body was still aching from the beating and every inch of covered skin was marked in some way that it took a while for her to find a comfortable position to lie in. Fatigue took her into sleep as quick as it could, she hadn't been sleeping much since she'd left Sealview prison as every time she closed her eyes she'd find herself back in the basement, powerless, alone.

"_Help!" She managed to scream as the rest of her orange jumpsuit was yanked from her body. _

_She knew what was happening and she knew there was little that she could do to stop it but she wasn't going to stop trying. _

"_You're going to remember me forever." He hissed before clasping his mouth onto hers forcing his tongue into her mouth making her feeble screams just a hum and that aroused him more. With one hand he tore at her plain cotton panties exposing her further. _

_A soft desperate whimper passed her lips as she felt his hand stroking her slit. _

"_Please!" She pleased, hoping that he'd see how much pain he was causing her and stop. _

_When he didn't comply Olivia seemed to find a new rush of adrenaline and began to fight back hard. He scratched, slapped, and pulled at her skin, leaving fresh marks all over her but she wasn't about to just give in and be raped because in her mind, she would never be a victim. _

"_Stop!" He screamed pulling her towards him, she knew the energy was slowly leaving her again and she found herself wondering if she'd stop then it would be over quicker. _

"_Good girl." He whispered as she started losing the will to fight. _

_It didn't take long for him to thrust his hard member into her._

"Ahhh!" She screamed coming to sit up bolt upright.

"Liv? You're ok." Elliot wrapped his arms around her but she screamed again, fighting and struggling till he had no other option but to let her go.

It took a few minutes for Olivia to realise where she was and calm down. She dropped her head into her hands and sighed, she was done crying, she had shed her last tear for Lowell Harris and had vowed to not cry again. So far, she was keeping with that vow.

"Liv?" Elliot asked after a few minutes.

"What do you want Elliot?" She asked into her hands not wanting to look at her heartbroken partner.

"Please talk to me Liv, please?" He was pleading, she was shocked, Elliot Stabler never pleaded.

"How many times do I have to tell you that nothing happened and I'm fine?" She asked desperately needing him to back off.

"You're lying Liv, if not just to me but yourself too. I've had enough. Sort yourself out or I'm going to Cragen and telling him everything." Elliot sighed before walking out of the dark room.

Olivia not only knew he was right but also meant every word of the threat he had given her too. Half heartedly she whipped out her phone, finding the number she had stored only four days ago when she had left Sealview. Finding it, she clicked the call button without a single second thought or hesitation.

"Hello Doctor Whitney." A female voice answered the line.

"Hi Michelle, its Olivia Benson." Olivia's voice shook as she spoke.

"Olivia! It's lovely to hear from you! How are you?" Michelle Whitney's voice echoed into Olivia's ear.

"Umm, well that's sort of why I'm calling you. I need to see someone confidentially without it getting back to the ears of anyone in the NYPD." She explained shyly.

"You know I'd do anything for you Olivia, how about we meet this evening in my office?" Michelle suggested.

"Thanks that would be a big help." Olivia replied.

"You're welcome, swing by at eight and we'll have all night if we need it." Michelle smiled and Olivia could only smile gently back though neither one of them could see it.

"Eight it is then, Thanks again Michelle."

"No problem Olivia, see you at eight, bye."

"Bye." Olivia hung up the phone and let out a breath she hadn't even been aware of holding.

She slowly made her way back down to the squad room, when she went to her desk she avoided looking at Elliot who was watching her intently.

"Ok?" He eventually asked.

"Fine." She replied still without looking at him.

"You need help Olivia." Elliot whispered.

"I'm fine now drop it Elliot." She hissed firmly.

"Fine." He shrugged not wanting to argue with her anymore.

She turned to her computer to make it look like she was doing some work but it didn't last long when Cragen called for her and Elliot.

"Rape vic in Mercy." He explained handing them a slip of paper.

"Ok." Olivia replied and she and Elliot made their way to the police Sudan in the parking lot.

She knew the second they were on the way that he would begin questioning her again.

"Are you sure nothing happened at Sealview Olivia?" Elliot asked as soon as the car was moving.

"Yes! How many times do I have to tell you that nothing happened for you to just drop it?" Olivia snapped.

"Sorry, it's just you haven't been yourself Liv and I'm worried about you." He explained softly.

"I'm fine and stop talking to me like a vic Elliot, I deserve more than that." She replied angrily.

"I'm not ..."

"Don't!" She threatened interrupting him from whatever he was about to say. "You've been questioning me and coaxing me just like we do with victims and I am not a victim, I don't want to be treated like one do I make myself clear?" She hissed.

"Crystal." He replied with a sigh.

"Good, now let's go and speak with a real victim." She replied climbing out of the now stationary car.

All Elliot could do was follow her, he was hurting for her as he knew something more had happened in Sealview than she was letting on. Fin was just as distant as Olivia was about it, he had just told Elliot that Olivia would tell him when she was ready to and until then he would just have to wait so he knew that something had happened, he knew that whatever it was had made Olivia change and become withdrawn and he couldn't help but see that she was acting just like a victim would.

After they spoke with the apparent victim to find out it was a one night stand that she had regretted they made their way back to the precinct in the police Sudan.

"I wish you could tell me what was going around in that head of yours." Elliot sighed as Olivia stared out of the window.

"I'm just tired El, ok? I'm just flipping tired and I look forward to getting to bed and getting some sleep." Olivia replied.

"You've been off till today Liv, how come you haven't been sleeping?" Elliot asked gently trying to coax her to open up to him.

"Nice try Elliot, I was in prison, sleep was hard to come by and I still hear clanging bars every night. I'll soon get used to being on the outside though." Olivia replied angrily.

"There's more to it that that Olivia, you know it and I know it." Elliot replied.

"Shut up! Just shut up!" Olivia snapped. "Pull over!" She screamed.

He didn't know why she screamed for him to pull over so he complied quickly.

"Liv?" He asked as she fumbled desperately with her seat belt.

She couldn't have gotten out of the car faster. Elliot dived out as he saw that she was walking away from him.

"Olivia!" He yelled wanting to her to wait for him but she wasn't in the mood to listen.

He ran to her and grabbed her by the arm. She panicked and punched him the side of the face.

"Jeez! Olivia what the fuck?" He asked as he clutched a hand to his cheek.

"Oh... shit... I'm... oh God... El..." She couldn't even manage a coherent sentence.

"I'm fine." He replied softly. "You however ..."

"Am fine." Olivia finished for him. "Absolutely fine but maybe you should get some ice for that cheek, I have somewhere I need to be."

He could only watch as she walked away. He knew better than to try and run after her but now, now he was more determined to find out what happened at Sealview.

He marched into the bullpen angrily, he had a vicious purple bruise on his cheek and he wasn't in the mood for anyone to mess him about.

"Victim or her family?" Fin quipped as he saw Elliot's bruised face.

"Olivia." He replied and he watched as Fin's mouth fell to the floor.

Elliot wouldn't have said anything had there been anyone else in the room but he needed Fin to tell him what he knew and to do that he had to be honest first.

"Shit, why?" Fin managed to ask.

"I was talking to her, and she made me pull over and jumped out of the car and I rushed after her, I grabbed her arm she punched me." Elliot sighed taking his own seat and staring at Fin.

"Jeez man, you must have said something." Fin replied knowing Olivia wasn't violent.

"I was asking her about Sealview ok?" Elliot snapped.

"Stabler..."

"No Fin! Something's wrong, something happened, please tell me what you saw?" Elliot pleaded desperately.

"Fine, when I got there she was handcuffed, arms behind her back. Her white top was up at her neck, her bra was gone in shreds and her jump suit was at her ankles and her panties were gone. That's what I found when I got there, he was on top of her and kissing her I don't know if he got to her or not Stabler because she never told me. I just helped cover her up." Fin explained shakily.

"Shit Fin it doesn't matter if he raped her or not, she's obviously affected by it either way." Elliot replied rubbing his face with his hands.

"I don't know Stabler, but if only I'd gotten to her sooner..."

"Don't start blaming yourself Fin. It's just downhill from there." Elliot interrupted.

"I don't know but whatever happened, she does need help Elliot." Fin replied.

"I know." He whispered.

**I know loads of people have done stories about after Sealview but let me know if you want more of this one!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also raped her?**_

"Hey Olivia." The blonde haired, blue eyed doctor grinned leaning in and dropping a kiss on her friend's cheek.

Olivia tried to accept it but the second Michelle Whitney's lips touched her cheek she withdrew sharply.

"Sorry." She mumbled when Michelle pulled away looking hurt.

"It's ok Olivia, I'm guessing it has something to do with why you wanted to see me?"Michelle replied gently.

Olivia just nodded, she was shaking with nerves because this would be the first time she told anyone what happened in the basement of Sealview prison.

"Come and sit down." Michelle smiled softly pointing to the couch at the end of the room.

Olivia gave another nod and made her way to the seat. Michelle took the white arm chair that faced the couch and sat back, pulling a notepad and pen from the side table.

"You're taking notes?" Olivia asked.

"Only on things I need to write down, not what happened." Michelle replied gently.

"Ok." Olivia replied her voice almost inaudible.

"Why don't we start somewhere easier though, what made you want to make an appointment with me?" Michelle asked softly coaxing Olivia for when she would need her friend to really open up.

"I uh, I – I don't even know." Olivia sighed. "I didn't want to, I wanted to do this on my own like I have everything else but I just – I don't know." She shrugged looking apologetic at her friend.

"Ok, tell me what happened before you called me." Michelle suggested.

"I was talking to Elliot." Olivia replied.

"Ok what where you and Elliot talking about?" Michelle asked being close enough to the Detective to know all about her partner.

"I was undercover, a few days ago, in a prison." Olivia explained. "He wanted to know what happened while I was there."

"Ok, so how did that lead you to calling me?" Michelle asked needing to keep the conversation flowing.

"He said he knew something happened and he knew I needed help to sort it out." Olivia replied.

"Did something happen in the prison?" Michelle continued.

"Yes." Olivia replied a tear dripping down her cheek as she played with her left sleeve with her right hand.

"Ok, so you agreed with him that you needed help?" Michelle asked not wanting to find out what had happened just yet.

"Yes. I guess so I mean, I called didn't I?" Olivia replied her eyes shifting uncomfortably.

"Yes you did." Michelle replied. "Now are you ready to tell me what happened at the prison, maybe you can start with telling me why you were there?"

"I was in Sealview undercover because a young girl was raped by one of the guards and apparently her mother had been too and she ended up getting killed, and many other prisoners had reported rapes too but in prison they don't get dealt with by real police officers. We needed to catch the guy and so I went undercover, I went to court and was sentenced just like any other perp." Olivia explained.

"Ok, so when you where there what happened that's affected you so much Olivia?" Michelle asked jumping into the bigger question.

"I was... there was a riot, I got blamed for starting it and one of the guards said he was taking me to the lock up." Olivia began nervously. "He didn't take me to the hole though, I should have known there was something wrong when he started to lead me down some stairs."

Olivia had to stop and wipe some of the tears clouding her vision.

"Ok Olivia, take your time." Michelle told her knowing that her friend was about to reveal something big to her.

"He dragged me into the basement. I asked him what he wanted from me and he told me ... oh God ... he told me he wanted what every guy wanted." Olivia explained.

"Olivia?" Michelle asked a knowing feeling in her stomach about where this was going.

"There was a dirty mattress, he threw me onto it and took off his belt. I couldn't do anything Michelle I was handcuffed." She sobbed.

"Don't start blaming yourself Olivia." Michelle told her firmly, she knew what had happened to her friend without her having to say the words.

"I fought him, he took the handcuffs off and I elbowed him and ran. I hid, I was just so desperate the door was locked so I just hid and when he found me I just gave up and went to him and he beat me with his baton, there's not an inch of covered skin that isn't still purple." Olivia continued. "Then he managed to handcuff me to the bars of a door. I couldn't move." Olivia closed her eyes as the images of what happened circled her mind. "He took down his trousers "You bite me ... and I'll kill you." He said."

Michelle had to blink back her own tears, the person in front of her was a friend and not a patient and she struggled to see Olivia as just a patient.

"He grabbed the back of my head, wrapped his hand around my hair and pulled till I screamed and that's when ... Oh my God that's when he pushed his ... into my mouth." Olivia explained.

"Olivia ..."

"That's not all Michelle." Olivia said knowing there was a lot more to tell.

"He uncuffed me and dragged me back to the mattress, I fought as hard as I have ever fought anyone in my life. He cuffed me both arms behind my back and rolled me to face him. He lifted up my top and tore at my bra, he started squeezing me and pinching me and then he pulled down my jump suit further, till it was at my ankles and then he tore off my panties, just tore them clean from my skin." Olivia explained. "That's when ... that's when he raped me." She whispered and Michelle blinked back more of her own tears, Olivia was a strong inspirational woman in her life and it broke her heart to see her look so vulnerable.

"He raped me and then he was kissing me and I could taste myself on his lips where he'd licked me and then when he was kissing me Fin came in because he was undercover too and he grabbed Harris and cuffed him before covering me up." Olivia explained further.

"Olivia did you report this?"

"I haven't told anyone till you." Olivia replied.

"Olivia ..."

"Please don't Michelle, please don't ask me to report this." Olivia pleaded.

"Olivia..."

"I can't Michelle, they'll think I can't do my job, I'm a cop, I was working and I still got raped." Olivia explained.

"Don't blame yourself or start thinking what other people will think Olivia, you were undercover, I'm guessing you didn't have your gun with you."

"No, I was ... there was just me as a civilian." Olivia replied.

"Then you were powerless, no one will blame you for what happened Olivia, you need to report this and get yourself some justice too." Michelle explained.

"He's already in prison for rape." Olivia replied.

"Not for yours." Michelle added. "You deserve justice and he deserves to pay for what he did to you Olivia."

"But how do I tell them Michelle? How do I tell the people I work with that this happened, I couldn't bare it, to see their faces." Olivia cried, she'd already tried talking herself into telling the guys back at the one six what happened.

"Olivia, why don't you speak with someone you don't know? Go to one of the other precincts to report what happened?" Michelle tried to suggest.

"They'd just call SVU and I'd get more crap for not telling them myself. It doesn't matter about reporting it, I don't need to I'm fine." Olivia wiped at her cheeks and jumped to her feet.

"Thanks Michelle." She gave a weak smile before leaving as quickly as she could before Michelle Whitney could have the chance to say anything to her.

Michelle sighed and got to her feet. This was hurting her lots as Olivia was one of her best friends and she couldn't bare it that she was trying to cope with it on her own. As she sat at her desk her mind began to get ideas, they were stupid ones, ones that could cost her the license she held to practise psychiatry but suddenly she didn't care, that didn't bother her because Olivia needed help and she knew that she was the only person who could help her.

She lifted up the phone and dialled the all too familiar number.

"Special Victims." The voice answered.

**Sorry it's been a while, I changed my mind about five times with this chapter but I hope you like it so far, it isn't over though. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also raped her?**_

Elliot was sat at his desk pretending to do paperwork. His mind was reeling with worry about Olivia, he knew something had happened to her and he needed her to tell him. It killed him to know that she was hurting and he could do nothing about it. He loved her. More than words could ever describe and the finalizing of his divorce had just made the love stronger and harder to deny. As the phone began to ring he slowly reached over for it trying to clear his minds of all thought about Olivia Benson.

"Special Victims Unit." He said clearly.

"Hi I'd like to report a rape."

"Ok hold on one second." Elliot said recognising the psychiatrist's friendly tone.

He grabbed a notebook and pen and got ready to write down everything she told him.

"Ok could you give me the name of the victim?" Elliot began.

Doctor Whitney hesitated, she wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do anymore.

"Olivia Benson." She said in a near whisper.

Elliot froze. For a moment he wasn't sure if he'd heard right either and waited for further information.

"She says she was raped when she was working undercover in a prison."

Elliot dropped the phone and grabbed his keys. He couldn't stop his thoughts now as he rushed out of the precinct and towards his car.

Olivia was curled up on her couch. She'd pulled the throw blanket and wrapped it around her as she sobbed. She knew telling Michelle Whitney had been a long shot but she wondered if she'd really told her so she would tell Elliot for her, or tell someone at the one six. She couldn't handle everything on her own anymore. All her worries and fears were completely normal yet it scared her to think that she'd become a victim, she wondered if she'd ever get her life back and be able to continue as if nothing every happened. Most of all, she wondered if she could ever close her eyes without seeing him there, seeing his eyes, hearing his voice, feeling his touch.

There was a loud knock on the door but she didn't move, she knew who it was and knew if they were that desperate to come in they had a key.

"Liv I'm coming in!" Elliot's voice called through the door.

She didn't respond, she didn't want to respond to him, a part of her wanted him to go away and leave her alone while another part of her just wanted to feel his arms around her.

"Olivia!" He gasped seeing her shaking figure on the couch.

He rushed over to her and pulled her into his arms. She wrapped her arms around his waist as he sat them both down and she sobbed hard into his chest.

"I've got you Liv." He whispered gently.

"Sorry." She hiccupped.

"Don't apologise Liv. Shh, I've got you." He rocked her gently as she continued to cry.

He held her close and allowed her to just sob, he knew that she needed it and he wasn't about to stop her when she needed him too. His mind was clearer now than it had been in four days. Olivia had been raped and that was something they needed to talk about, that was something she needed to tell him for herself first. He wondered if he could tell her who told him or even tell her that he knew because she'd know who told him if he did tell her. As her crying began to subside he sat on the couch and pulled her into him so he could still hold her and she didn't have to look at him if she'd tell him what happened.

"Sorry." She hiccupped once again.

"I told you don't apologise." He replied.

"I just ... I... what are you doing here?" She asked deciding that the play dumb was her best move.

"Liv... Someone called ..."

"Michelle Whitney called you mean." Olivia spat, she was angry with her friend but at the same time she wasn't.

"I don't know they didn't give a name." Elliot replied even though he knew it was the doctor that Olivia was close to.

"Whatever." Olivia replied.

"Well is what she told me true?" Elliot asked.

"Depends what she told you." Olivia replied pulling away from him and sitting at the edge of the couch with her back turned.

Elliot sat up and rested a hand on her shoulder, she jumped at first but then didn't make a move to stop him.

"She said you were raped while working undercover in a prison." Elliot replied and Olivia turned to look at him.

He didn't need her to say anything to get his answer. Her brown eyes were full of tears as they connected with his own blue eyes.

"Liv..." He whispered but she turned away and pulled her shoulder from under his hand. "Olivia please!"

"Don't El." She whispered. "Please don't be angry with me."

"Angry? Angry? I'm not angry Olivia, I'm far from angry, just talk to me though, tell me what happened." He was almost begging.

"I can't." She croaked the cry echoing in her voice.

"Please Liv, please tell me what happened so I can help or try or something." He was so frustrated because he desperately wanted to tell her everything was going to be ok and that he could help her but she'd know he was lying and he knew better than to lie to her.

"Olivia..."

She turned to look at him, her eyes catching his as he asked the inevitable.

"Did Lowell Harris rape you?" He asked.

She just nodded before he enveloped her in his arms once again. She sobbed, seeing the hurt in his eyes killed her and that hurt more than everything she'd been through.

"I'm so sorry Liv. I'm sorry. God please I'm so sorry." Elliot cried as he held her.

"What are you apologising for?" She asked.

"For not being there for you. I should have ... I could have..."

"Don't start blaming yourself El." She whispered. "Your here now, that's what's important."

"I'm going nowhere." He replied honestly. "You can push me away all you like but I'm not leaving you."

"Thank you. Don't let go." She replied as they both fell back into the couch.

"Wouldn't dream of it." He replied kissing her gently on the head. "Try get some sleep Liv, I won't let go I promise." He whispered knowing she hadn't been sleeping at all since she left Sealview.

Olivia pulled the throw over her and closed her eyes hoping she'd finally get some decent sleep.

**So you with me? Don't know what I'm doing with this story so you'll get it as I write it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also raped her?**_

When Olivia opened her eyes for a moment she forgot everything that had happened. She could feel Elliot's muscular arms around her and she couldn't help but smile a little. She was scared to move in case she waked him so for a moment she just lay there in his arms.

"Liv?" He whispered, he wasn't sure if she had woken up.

"Yeah?" She asked in a whisper.

"Oh you're awake then." He replied a small smile on his lips because of how calm and peaceful she sounded.

"How long was I asleep?" She asked.

"About two hours." He replied checking his watch to be sure.

"Oh, most sleep I've had in days." She replied trying desperately to push the images that were returning to the forefront of her mind.

"Olivia." He whispered.

"What?" She asked.

"We need to go to the precinct." He told her uncertain of how she'd react.

"Why?" She asked hoping it wouldn't be for what reason, the only reason, she could think of.

"Olivia..." He pushed them both to sitting and pulled her hands into his own making her look at him. "Liv, you need to make a statement." He told her.

"El..."

"Don't argue with me about this Olivia, please, do this for me." He asked.

"I can't ..." Her voice cracked as fresh tears pooled her eyes and clouded her vision.

"You can Liv, I'll be there for you I promise but we need this, we can put Lowell Harris away for a lot longer with your help. Think of Ashley and her Mom and all those other women he raped, you can do it for them." Elliot pleaded to the part of her that was the victims' voice, the part of her that would most likely crumble first.

"You'll stay with me?" She asked her voice breaking.

"Every step of the way Olivia. I promise." He whispered enveloping her in an embrace.

"Ok." She cried. "Just don't leave me."

"Never." He replied squeezing her.

"Ouch." She gasped.

"Liv?" He asked pulling away suddenly and he wondered if he'd squeezed a bit too tight.

"It's nothing I'm ok." She said turning away.

He couldn't stop himself from reaching for her jumper. He pulled the garment up and saw that her Olivia skin was purple.

"Liv..."

"Don't Elliot." She whispered. "Please don't."

He slowly and carefully put her jumper down. He didn't know what to say to make her feel better because he didn't want to treat her like victim.

"Now we go and tell your story." He said getting to his feet and holding his hand out for her to take. "Olivia the guys at the one six are going to find out even if you don't come with me." He said knowing she wouldn't let them find out from him.

She slipped her hand into his and stood up, their eyes met and she couldn't move as she wanted to stand in this moment forever.

"Come on Liv." He coaxed snapping her out it.

XXX

When they arrived at the one six Olivia was trembling. Once in the elevator the tears began to fall again as much as she tried to hold them back. Elliot gave her hand a small squeeze knowing there was nothing he could say that would make her feel better about this.

When they entered the bullpen hand in hand Munch and Fin both saw how distressed Olivia was and they could only follow when Elliot nodded his head towards the interview room.

"Do you want a coffee Liv?" He asked when he sat her down on the couch.

"Yeah, thanks." She replied shakily.

"Ok I'll be right back." Elliot whispered giving her a light kiss on her temple before rushing off.

Olivia couldn't look at the two men in front of her. She clasped her hands and crossed her leg over them to try and hide how much she was shaking, it didn't work but it made her feel a little better.

Elliot switched on the coffee and rushed to Cragen's office, he didn't bother knocking but rushed inside.

"Is knocking no longer customary?" He asked without lifting his head.

"Sorry Cap, its Liv, she's uh, she wants to make a statement." Elliot said shakily.

"What?" Cragen's head snapped up and his eyes met with Elliot's.

"I just thought you'd want to listen in." Elliot explained.

"Elliot you can't tell me she's going to make a statement and shut up a statement about what?" He asked panicking.

"I can't tell you that, you either ask her yourself or listen in but I'm making her a coffee and then I'm going to hold her hand." Elliot explained before rushing out.

Cragen's mind was reeling. He'd seen the pictures from Sealview prison, the dirty mattress, the basement. His heart hammered in his chest as he slowly got to his feet. He knew he had to listen in.

Elliot handed the coffee over to Olivia and placed his own mug on the floor so she could clasp his hand again.

"Ok baby girl start wherever is most comfortable for you." Fin said softly.

"Just stop it." She sighed. "Don't talk to me like a vic Fin please." She asked fresh tears forming in her eyes.

"Ok, I won't I'm sorry." He apologised, not sure how else to treat her in this situation.

"Right, it was in Sealview, before you found me in the basement." She began her voice fragile which didn't go unnoticed by anyone.

"Ok?" Fin continued, Munch was taking notes.

"I'd been down there a heck of a long time before you came." She explained slowly, she didn't want to have to say the inevitable words.

"He uh ... He ... I can't ... Elliot please don't make me say it?" She croaked as the tears gushed down her face.

"Liv come on you know it's only you that can say it." He whispered back.

"I can't." She whispered. "Please don't ..."

"Take your time Liv." Fin whispered.

"You think this is about time?" She snapped turning to look at him. "All the time in the world isn't going to change what happened Fin."

She jumped to her feet and dropped Elliot's hand before rushing out the door and slamming it shut behind her. She leant into it and let out a long and shaky breath.

"Olivia?"

"Cap?" She asked trying to hide her tears.

"I was listening in." He explained.

"Oh." Olivia didn't know how to reply to that.

"Olivia you need to tell us what happened." Cragen explained.

"I don't need to and I don't have to." She replied angrily.

"Please Olivia, everyone knows something happened but we need to know what so we don't keep thinking the worse possible things." Cragen explained.

"I can't Cap, I don't know where to being." She shrugged, she felt so drained.

"All you have to do for now is say what was done as in the crime that was done and we can worry about the details later." Cragen replied as the door opened and Elliot came out.

"I'll try." She nodded and she took his hand so he could lead her back inside.

Once she sat down she tried a hundred different ways of telling them what had happened but Fin was on tenterhooks and decided to break protocol.

"Olivia did Harris rape you?" he asked quite bluntly but he was blaming himself and needed to know.

"Yes." Olivia nodded as fresh tears formed in her eyes. "Yes Lowell Harris raped me." She knew they needed to hear that sentence to be able to do anything about it. "Lowell Harris raped me." She repeated and Elliot pulled her into his arms so she could breakdown in wracked sobs once again.

His heart was breaking as he looked at the two men around him, they looked as broken as he felt.

**So you with me? Don't know what I'm doing with this story so you'll get it as I write it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

"So what happens now Cap?" Fin asked, he and Munch had joined their superior officer outside the interview room.

"She needs to go and get all injuries photographed and documented and then she needs to make a statement." Cragen replied his eyes not a moving from Olivia's sobbing figure.

"Should we take her to the hospital now then?" Fin asked.

"Yeah just be gentle with her whether she agrees or not she's the vic this time." Cragen sighed before Munch and Fin walked back into the interview room.

"Livia..." Munch began getting the sobbing woman's attention. "We need to get you to a hospital."

"No! No hospital, no way! I won't do it!" Olivia replied breaking out in a panic.

"Olivia..." Elliot began but she interrupted him.

"No Elliot! I'm not ... I won't... No way." She cried clutching to him hard.

"Olivia..." Cragen's voice in the room grabbed everyone's attention.

"What?" She croaked weakly.

"You need to go to the hospital, you need to be checked over."

"NO! I can't! I won't!" She yelled jumping to her feet. "You can't make me either." She added before rushing out the door.

"I'll try talking to her, I mean, I managed to get her to come here." Elliot said hurriedly before rushing off after Olivia.

"Munch, call Huang have him ready to talk to Olivia, Fin be on standby for Elliot to persuade her." Cragen gave the orders before slinking off needing time alone to process everything in his mind.

Xxx

The drive back to Olivia's apartment was in silent, she stared out the window lost in her own thoughts and worries to give a damn about anything going around the city.

Once in the apartment Olivia went straight to her bedroom slamming the door behind her as a warning to Elliot to leave her alone.

She grabbed a set of large pyjamas and got changed quickly before grabbing her robe and getting into her bed. She couldn't have slept even if she tried but she just wanted to feel safe and somehow being in her bed and under the covers made her feel safe.

"Liv." Elliot called from the other side of the door.

"What?" Olivia called back not wanting to move.

"Can I come in?" Elliot asked nervously.

"Yeah." Olivia replied shakily pushing herself up to sitting.

Elliot came into the room and sat at the side of the bed by Olivia's feet.

"Olivia you need to go to the hospital and have them check you over." Elliot whispered.

"I can't." She croaked her voice hoarse and dry.

"Liv you could have some serious injuries that you don't know about, please Olivia?" He pleaded.

"No El you don't get it..." Olivia replied her voice a broken whisper.

"What don't I get Liv?" He asked.

"It's too late for a rape kit ... but they'll... I can't do the vaginal exam." She explained braking out in more wracked sobs.

"Liv, honey please, come on, they don't have to the vaginal exam Liv but the rest of you needs to be checked over and make sure you don't have internal bleeding or something, please let me take you to a hospital." Elliot asked.

She just nodded, too choked up with tears to be able to say something.

"Ok, I'm going to help you up ok?" Elliot said softly, without even trying he was treating her like a victim but she didn't seem to care anymore.

He helped her to her feet and grabbed the slippers beside the bed.

"Put these on Liv." He whispered, he wasn't going to bother making her change when she seemed so comfortable.

She weakly lifted her feet and slipped them into the fluffy slippers before leaning into Elliot as he practically carried her out of the apartment.

Xxx

"Stabler just text, Liv's on the wait to Saint Catherine's Hospital." Fin told Munch grabbing his coat from the back of the chair.

"I'll let Cragen and Huang know." Munch replied rushing off towards the office to let his superior know the update.

"Call Huang and meet us down there." Cragen told Munch before rushing off after Fin leaving Munch to sort the details in the squad room.

Xxx

Olivia and Elliot were shown straight to a side room for privacy. She was shaking as she held onto his hand.

"You can get onto the bed and someone will be with you shortly ok?" The nurse smiled gently.

"Thanks." Olivia replied gingerly as the nurse left.

Elliot helped Olivia onto the small bed and pulled the thin blanket up over her.

"Don't leave me." She whispered shakily.

"Never." He replied leaning over the cot side and stroking her hair.

"I don't want to do this." She cried.

"I know Liv but you need to ok? We'll get Harris for this." Elliot whispered back trying to soothe her.

When there was a knock on the door Elliot looked up from Olivia but she didn't even move. George Huang walked in and nodded towards Elliot.

"Liv, Huang's here to talk to you. Want me to go?" He asked gently.

"No." She said grabbing his hand. "Don't leave me."

"I won't go anywhere unless you ask me too." He replied giving her hand a comforting squeeze.

Olivia didn't even look at Huang when he came to the bedside. She didn't want to believe any of this was real and talking to George Huang was definitely someone who would make all of this far more real.

"Olivia how are you doing?" Huang asked.

"I'm fine." She replied, the age old answer she'd been giving for years just slipping out of her mouth without any effort.

"Ok, tell me what you're most afraid of." Huang replied.

"The vaginal exam." She replied closing her eyes.

"Ok and why are you scared of the vaginal exam?" Huang continued.

"I don't know." Olivia croaked as fresh tears slipped down her cheeks.

"It's only going to help you Olivia, they need to know what damage he did to you." Huang explained.

"I know I just...I don't know." Olivia sobbed pulling Elliot's hand closer to her face.

"You think once you've had the vaginal exam it's down in black and white what happened and you can erase it." Huang replied and Olivia could only nod weakly. "You also know the process and how it works and that makes it all the more frightening."

"I can't do it." Olivia sobbed. "I really can't."

Elliot shook his head towards Huang, he knew that it was best not to press Olivia too hard, he was her best friend and he knew her more than she knew herself sometimes.

Huang nodded and left knowing now wasn't the time to talk about what had happened in the basement at Sealview. A doctor came in seconds later and Olivia held tighter onto Elliot's hand.

"Ok Ms Benson, we need to check your injuries can you tell me where you were hurt?" The doctor asked.

"Everywhere." Olivia whispered, she wasn't just hurting physically and mentally she was fatigued having not slept in days.

"Ok we need to photograph them too I believe, so do you want to strip down and put this gown on and then I can examine you." The doctor replied passing her a thin paper gown.

Olivia took it in her free hand but she wouldn't let go of Elliot's hand.

"I'll be back in a few minutes." The doctor smiled gently as drew the blinds of the room before leaving.

"Want me to close the curtains?" Elliot asked.

"I can't do this." She whispered squeezing his hand, the tears had stopped now but she was still terrified.

"Liv come on, let them do their job so Munch and Fin can charge him." Elliot replied going back to her side.

"I don't want to do this Elliot please don't make me." She pleaded unable to hide the desperation and fear from her voice and face.

"I won't make you do anything Liv but I will tell you to think of all the other girls you've helped in the past. All the other girls hands you've held while they get their injuries examined. Do it for them Olivia." Elliot pleaded.

"I can't." She croaked desperately.

"Fine, I'll go and tell them that we're going home ok?" He replied knowing there was no way he was getting through to her.

"Hurry." She whispered as he reached the door.

"I will." He replied before stepping outside and coming face to face with Munch, Fin, Huang and Cragen.

"How is she?" Cragen asked.

"Point blank refusing to do it." Elliot replied.

"Why?" He continued not understanding what was going through her mind.

"Think about it Don, she's seen hundreds of the examinations happen she knows how long they take and how humiliating they are and she can't get herself to go through with it, my best judgement on the fact that it's Olivia someone needs to be firm with her. Tell her she has to do it and then maybe she actually will." Huang explained.

"So you think being strict with her is going to help? She's a victim!" Cragen argued.

"Who will never let herself be seen as a victim, that's the problem, you're all talking to her trying to coax her into doing things in the way you would a victim whereas Olivia needs to be told firmly to do it because she's stubborn." Huang explained further and Cragen sighed.

"I guess I'm the one who's going to have to become mean with her. Ok what do I say?" Cragen asked turning to Huang, he barely ever asked the Doctor to tell anyone what to say but in this case he needed to know how firm to be with his detective, the last thing he wanted was for her to hate him.

"Just tell her she has to do this, you could say her job is on the line if she doesn't because that would hit somewhere deep for her." Huang replied.

"Fine." Cragen nodded.

He grabbed the door handle and gave it a feeble knock before going in. He found Olivia sat at the end of the bed playing with the gown in her hands.

"Olivia." He started walking towards her slowly.

She looked up at him unsure what he could want to say to her when all she wanted to do was leave.

"You have to do the examination Olivia, you can't say no, you're a cop who works with rape victims and how can I ask you to persuade them to do rape kits when you won't do one yourself. Your job could be on the line here." He explained, the guilty feeling in his stomach growing the more he spoke.

"Ok I'll do it." Olivia replied. "Just get Elliot."

"Ok I will and we're all here if you need us OK Liv we're not going anywhere." Cragen reassured her.

"Thanks." She whispered before watching him leave again.

She felt so heavy and tired and she knew the examination was going to take a heck of a long time. She quickly changed from her pyjamas into the thin gown with no back and pulled her robe back on not wanting to feel the cold chill of the room. When Elliot came back in the doctor was with him and he took her hand in his own to show he was there for her.

"Ok so I need to see your injuries." The Doctor smiled softly.

"Do you want me to leave Liv?" Elliot asked knowing she had to show every inch of her body.

"No don't leave me." She replied beginning to pull down the sleeves of her gown.

His breath hitched when he saw her bruised skin. He had to fight not to gasp and blink back his tears.

"Ok I'm going to photograph them Ms Benson ok?"

Olivia just nodded and gave Elliot's hand a squeeze closing her eyes tight so she didn't have to look as the doctor poked and prodded at her skin.

"You need X-ray's on the ribs." She said before stepping back to take photos.

Olivia just nodded and bit down on her bottom lip trying to hold back the tears that had built in her eyes, she'd barely even looked at herself in the mirror so she definitely didn't want to look at herself now.

"Ok, we need to the vaginal exam now ok?" The doctor asked.

Olivia just nodded and held tighter onto Elliot's hand as she pulled her gown back up to her shoulders.

As the doctor prepared the tools she would need Olivia shook with fear.

"It's ok Liv." Elliot whispered stroking the side of her face.

"Ok." The doctor said putting a piece of blue paper over Olivia's bent legs. "You're going to feel some pressure."

Olivia squeezed Elliot's hand tighter, it wasn't going to be 'slight pressure' she knew it was going to be agonizing hell.

"Ahhh!" She called out in pain.

Elliot could only comfort her to the best of his abilities as she sobbed and hiccupped in pain.

"Shh, I've got you Liv." He whispered stroking her cheek with his finger as she squeezed his hand every time she felt the slightest bit of pain.

"Ok we need to get you to the OR so you can be patched up, I'm not going to do it unless your under a general anathstetic." The doctor finally said after taking more pictures from Olivia's injuries.

"I need surgery?" Olivia asked her voice a fragile whimper.

"Whoever this was made a real mess of you Ms Benson." The doctor replied gently.

"El." She cried squeezing his hand again.

"When will she have the surgery?" Elliot asked.

"As soon as possible, she's in a form of shock common with someone who's suffered such trauma and blood loss, how she's still standing after four days I don't know but had she not come in, well, she'd have bled out." The doctor explained it quite bluntly to Elliot.

Elliot just nodded and turned back to Olivia who was still sobbing silently.

The doctor stepped out into the corridor to the four waiting men.

"Well?" Cragen asked.

"He made a real mess of her. Severe vaginal trauma, there were some deep lacerations, she had a deep sulcus laceration that extended from the right lateral fornix to the hymeneal ring around six centimetres long, she also had a left lateral laceration around five centimetres long extending deep into the ischiorectal fossa. She had a spiral shaped laceration on the posterior fornix on the right that was around three or four centimetres I would say done with a foreign object. She had profuse bleeding and was in severe hypovolemic shock, I cannot believe that she didn't pass out from the blood loss as you said this happened four days ago."

"So in Layman's terms?" Cragen asked knowing that Huang was the only one who understood all the medical mumbo jumbo.

"He tore at her." Huang whispered, he was in absolute shock because he knew everything the doctor has said.

"So what now?" Cragen asked.

"I need to type and cross match two units of blood in case she needs a transfusion, I need to put her on fluids to reverse the shock and then hopefully we'll have her in surgery before morning." The doctor explained.

"Surgery?" Cragen asked going white.

"Yes she's going to require some stitching but nothing reconstructive from what I can tell but the surgeon will be able to tell you more. Now I'm going to get the fluids and help get her comfortable." The doctor replied before rushing off.

"What did this bastard do to her George?" Cragen asked his heart still hammering inside his chest.

"I told you, he tore at her Don, the brutality ... I don't know how to explain this in layman's terms without making you all sick. The lacerations she was talking about are deep and long cuts inside her." Huang explained as best as he could.

"I can't ... why didn't she say anything, she must have been in agony." Munch replied thinking of the pain he'd seen other victims in.

"With the mental pain she's been in she would have blocked out the physical pain, the blood loss she could have mistaken for menstrual blood or not realised how bad she was bleeding." George rationalised.

"Poor girl." Fin sighed needing to say something but unsure what the right thing was to say in this situation.

**With me? Next up Olivia comes round from surgery. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

Five men sat in the waiting room in absolute silence as they waited for news on Olivia. She'd been under for nearly three hours and not a single one of them had spoken since she'd been wheeled in.

"I can't sit here anymore!" Elliot sighed getting from his seat and going to the window.

"Elliot he needs you to be strong for her right now, she can't be strong herself and she's already leaned onto you for strength. Don't let her down now." Huang told him going over and resting his hand on his shoulder.

"But I never ... all these years we've been doing this and ... I can't ... I never thought this would happen." Elliot explained shakily.

"Of course you didn't. If you ever thought about this happening to Olivia it would have haunted you on every case and it would have driven you mad. All of you believed Olivia would always be safe because she can fight like a man and carries a gun this was a rare incident." Huang explained hoping that everyone else was listening because they were all in a stage of blaming themselves, he the psychiatrist included.

"But we knew! We knew she was going to be unarmed and we let her get into that situation, every single one of us are to blame here! Cragen for letting her go through with this, you for making her the perfect target, me for not stopping her or going with her ..."

"You can't begin blaming yourself or anyone else for this, the only person who's to blame is Lowell Harris the rapist." Huang replied before Elliot laid the guilt trip on the other men.

"How? How can we blame him alone when we handed him Olivia on a silver platter? It's our fault that Olivia is lying on an operating table." Elliot spat.

"Excuse me?" A surgeon said coming into the room. "Ms Benson is out of surgery and back in her room, she's still out at the moment."

"Can I see her?" Elliot asked hurriedly, he was her next of kin so if anyone would be allowed to it would be him.

"Of course but she won't be awake for a few hours." The surgeon replied. "This way."

The men all followed the surgeon trying to mentally prepare themselves for what they were going to see.

They needn't have been preparing themselves for anything. When they walked into the room they saw that she looked so peaceful and if it wasn't for the machine beeping and the IV bag hanging on the side and the small purple bruises visible on her chest she looked perfectly healthy and just sleeping.

"I'm going to have to ask that you're all not hanging around when she comes round, the last thing she needs when she wakes is stress." The surgeon explained.

"We'll head off now, Elliot are you staying?" Cragen asked.

"All night." He replied sitting in the seat beside the best.

"Call me when she wakes up." Cragen replied.

"I will, goodnight." Elliot replied before taking Olivia's warm hand in his own.

Xxx

Olivia felt like someone had torn out her insides when she woke up. She groaned in agony and shifted uncomfortably as she felt like something was weighing down heavily on her.

"Liv?" Elliot asked softly sitting up.

"Yeah." She replied as she tried to sit up further.

"Hold on." Elliot told her picking up the remote control for the bed and making the back rise a little so that she was sat upright.

"What time is it?" She asked groggily.

"Nine am." Elliot answered glancing at the clock above the door.

He came to sit on the edge of the bed and Olivia groaned in more pain.

"Are you hurting?" Elliot asked.

She just nodded, the pain was verging on unbearable.

"Ok I'll go and get the nurse, I'll be right back." He whispered before kissing her hand gently.

As she watched him leave her eyes prickled with tears. She'd gone into surgery at two am and he hadn't left her, she knew he hadn't moved from her bedside since she'd been out of surgery.

When he came back into the room a nurse was with him smiling gently at her.

"Ms Benson how's the pain?"

"Nine." Olivia replied honestly.

"Ok, I'm going to up your morphine then and when the pain begins to be manageable we'll bring it down again." She explained going over to the IV.

Olivia just nodded as Elliot sat back on the side of the bed taking her hand.

"I'll be back to check on you in an hour or so, if you need me press this buzzer ok?" She smiled handing Olivia a small wire with a red button at the tip.

"Thank you." Olivia replied.

The nurse left the two of them alone and Olivia looked at Elliot and gave him a weak smile.

"Thank you for staying with me El." She whispered.

"I wouldn't have been anywhere else." He replied.

"How long was I in surgery?" She asked thinking the more medical details would keep her calm and more relaxed.

"Three hours. Munch and Fin are on their way to take your statement, Cragen and Huang will be with them they want to see how you are." Elliot told her, he'd called them when he'd gone to get the doctor.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"How are you feeling Olivia?" Elliot asked gently not wanting her to be too stressed out.

"Numb" She replied.

"Ok." Elliot nodded knowing that she was now blocking out the mental pain in favour of the physical pain.

"El..." Olivia whispered.

"What is it Liv?" He asked knowing she wanted to say something important by the look on her face.

"When I make my statement, why don't you go home and get washed and dressed maybe even get some sleep." Olivia suggested.

He knew what she was doing but he wasn't going to argue against her.

"Ok, want me to get you anything?" He asked her.

"No but can you help me get into my pyjamas before Munch and Fin get here?" She asked feeling so naked in the hospital gown.

"Of course." Elliot replied. "They will want to do X-ray's on you later just to make sure your ribs aren't broken."

He explained as he passed Olivia's pyjamas and robe over to her.

"I don't think they're broken, I haven't been favouring one side to the other at all. They're probably just bruised." Olivia explained as Elliot helped her pull the hospital gown over her head.

"They just need to be sure Liv." Elliot replied.

"Did they say how long I'm going to have to be in here for, and how long I have to be off work or behind a desk?" Olivia asked.

Elliot had to suppress the small chuckle that had built inside him. He knew Olivia was hurting mentally and physically and it was typical her to be thinking about getting out and getting back to work.

"No Liv, no one asked, maybe you should ask the doctor when they come check you over later on." Elliot replied honestly.

"Ok." She nodded finally slipping on her robe and feeling more like herself again.

When Munch and Fin arrived Elliot said his goodbye with a promise that he wouldn't be long before leaving them to it. Olivia didn't want him there when she told her story, not the full story anyway, the thought of seeing the hurt in his eyes hurt her enough.

"Ok Liv you can start wherever is most comfortable for you." Munch explained taking one seat beside the bed while Olivia took Fin's hand making him sit on the bed beside her legs.

"There was the riot. One of the CO's cuffed me but then Harris came over and I was told that I was going to the hole. I knew I wasn't when he was leading me down some steps so I stopped and I asked him where he was taking me, I told him that the hole was in C block, he just told me to shut up so I asked him what we were doing there and then I apologised told him that I'd freaked out because of the outbreak and he said we were passed apologies then he told me... he told me to shut up and do what I was told and that's when... that's when I saw the mattress..." Her voice cracked and fresh tears filled her eyes but she brushed them away as quick as she could not wanting to cry anymore. "...I knew what was going to happen but there was nothing I could do about it. I asked ... I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted 'what every guy wants'. Then he grabbed my face, around my jaw." Olivia's hand held her jaw in a similar fashion to what he had done.

She had to stop for a moment. She couldn't breathe and felt like the room closing in on her.

"Liv take your time, breathe slowly." Fin said hearing her breath getting hitched and sharp.

She just nodded in reply.

"and you're going to give it to me. He said. That's when he started kissing and nibbling at my ear." She explained her voice weak again from suppressed cries. "He threw me down onto the mattress, turned me over and I started yelling for him to get off me and I screamed for help. He pulled out his radio and laughed and said that it was great because no one could hear me. I jumped from the mattress but he grabbed me and his hand was back on my jaw he said that I must like it rough and he was still talking but I pleading with him not to, begging him not to hurt me. That's when ... that's when he kissed me for the first time ... I was still begging as his lips pressed to mine, he then dropped me face down onto the mattress again and pulled off his belt. Then he pulled me off the mattress and I struggled against him as he tried to push me up against a wall I fought him as much as I could. He slammed me into the wall ... I was screaming still but he was pushed up against me and ... oh my God." Olivia dropped her head into her free hand unable to say anymore.

"Come on Liv you can do this, tell us what happened next." Fin coaxed.

"I could feel his hard on as he grinned against me from behind and I was screaming, needing someone to hear me and come and help me he said he was going to make me a little more comfortable and pulled the handcuffs off, as soon as one hand was free I elbowed him and turned around and punched him as hard as I've ever punched anyone in my life. That's when I ran, I ran off and he said you little bitch there's no way out. There was no way out so I hid and he was looking for me scrapping a bar along the metal fence and all I could do was hide. He kept talking asking if I wanted to play games he knew them all, gave me two choice told me to come out and make it up to him or he'd say I tried to escape and he had to use necessary force and I'd end up dead." Olivia closed her eyes and shook her head as she cried.

"I could hear him getting closer and he was still talking but I was just panicking and then he found me and he said guess who's ass is mine now. I just said he won and got up pleading and that's when he hit me with his baton across my stomach and back and I fell to the floor. When I started getting up I elbowed him I was aiming for the groin but I think I missed. Then I ran again, saw a door and ran to it but it was locked I was banging on it and screaming. He smacked me across the face and I fell down and that's when he got my wrist and closed the lose handcuff to the bar on the door. I was screaming and he said if I bit him I was dead. He put his hands on either side of my head and I was still yelling but then the closer he got the less I yelled because I wasn't going to open my mouth to him. That's when ... that's when he wrapped his hand around the back of hair and pulled making me scream and he just shoved himself in to me. I couldn't stop him and he did it again and again and I knew if I bit him he would make sure I didn't come out of there alive. Once he was done he wiped his ... stuff of my chin with his sleeve and then uncuffed me from the door. I thought ... I thought that was it..." Her voice broke again as she remembered what had happened next, it killed her having to say it out loud to two of her friends.

"It's ok Liv you're doing great." Munch replied doing the same as Fin and treating her like every other victim.

"He uncuffed me and then dragged me by my hair back to the mattress in the process cuffing my hands back behind me and I thought he was taking me back upstairs so I didn't fight him anymore. But he didn't. He threw me face down onto the mattress and turned me onto my back. I was sobbing but he didn't care. He smacked me across the face and I struggled against him as he opened my jump suit. He told me it would be easier if I behaved and as I stopped struggling against him he said I was a good girl." Olivia was talking through gritted teeth now. "He lifted my t-shirt and I started to fight again. I was handcuff so I couldn't fight him as much as I wanted to and he grabbed my bra and ripped it from my skin. Then he pulled my jump suit down to my ankles and ripped my panties clean from my skin before he knelt down and ... oh my God ... he knelt down and he ... he licked me ... he licked me and then he kissed me and then he ... that's when he... he pushed himself into me and I screamed and he kissed me again trying to push his tongue into my mouth and it just seemed to make him more excited. He came inside me and then I was fighting as much as I could and he grabbed the metal bar he'd been using and then he ... he thrust it into me and God it hurt, it was the worst thing he could have done to me... then he pulled it out of me and started to kiss me again and that's when Fin rushed in." She finished.

"You did it Liv." Fin whispered as Olivia burst out into wracked sobs.

"I can't get it out of my head." She cried. "Every bit of what happened goes round and round in my head and I just want it to stop!"

There was a knock on the door and Cragen and Huang walked in. He signalled for the detectives to leave and he followed them out leaving the psychiatrist with Olivia. She was lying down as low as she could and had curled herself into the smallest ball she could as she sobbed.

"Olivia?" Huang asked going to sit in the chair beside the bed.

"What?" She croaked.

"How are you holding up?" He asked.

"I'm not. I've never felt so ... alone or lost in all my life." She explained.

"Ok, can you identify what's making you feel so alone and lost?" Huang replied as gently as he could.

"I keep thinking about the moment he told me that he could just say I tried to escape and kill me by using excessive force and I keep wishing he had ... it's not that I want to die ... it's just if I was dead I couldn't feel this." Olivia explained.

"Ok, get some rest Liv." He said getting to his feet.

She closed her eyes and listened to him leave before breaking out in more wracked sobs. Cragen was waiting for Huang and when he saw the look of the doctor's face when he came out he knew there was something wrong.

"I'm worried." He said to the aging Captain.

"What is it George?" Cragen asked knowing it had to be severe for Huang to be so worried.

"She's verging on suicidal... I don't think she's going to do anything but she is wishing she was dead, she said she's thinking about him saying he could kill her and she says she wishes he had so she couldn't feel." Huang explained openly.

"I don't want her left alone." Cragen replied.

"You're going to guard her?" Huang replied.

"I want someone with her every hour until she realises she has something to live for and these thoughts go away." Cragen stated.

"I don't think she'll act on these thoughts Don, I just think she's scared." Huang explained honestly.

"Ok. So what do we do?" Cragen asked almost pleading for an answer.

"We make this as painless as possible and get her back to normal." Huang replied.

"Back to normal?" Cragen frowned.

"Yes, she's just going to want to get home and get back to work, I'll keep an eye on her and make sure she isn't suffering with PTSD and then just allow her to heal." Huang explained further.

"Ok." Cragen nodded. "Back to normal."

**I don't know where this story is actually going people. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

Elliot sat beside Olivia's bed and watched her sleep. He'd arrived back a little over an hour ago and she'd been sleeping when he arrived. She had been tossing and turning and mumbling non-stop and he knew she was having a nightmare of some kind, the words were mainly 'help' and 'don't' so he couldn't work anything out from them. He knew if he wanted to know the full extent of what happened he would have to read the fives because she wouldn't be able to tell him herself.

Olivia's mumbling began to get louder and her tossing and turning became thrashing. He could hear her heart monitor beeping faster and he knew something was wrong when Huang rushed in from the corridor pulling a small torch from his pocket and flashing it into Olivia's eyes before taking her pulse.

"What's happening?" Elliot asked as two nurses rushed in and froze when they saw Huang taking her pulse.

"She's having a panic attack in her sleep. Nothing we can do but let it ride out, waking her could be more dangerous." Huang explained as he stepped back.

The nurses left leaving Huang and Elliot looking at Olivia and Munch, Fin and Cragen by the door slowly making their way over to them.

"It looks like she's having a seizure." Fin commented shakily.

"She basically is." Huang replied. "She'll have no recollection of any of this."

"She needs to wake up." Elliot whispered more in hope than anything else, Olivia was still thrashing and mumbling incoherently and the sweat dripped off her forehead.

"NO!" She yelled bolting upright.

"Olivia you're safe, you're in the hospital it was just a nightmare." Huang soothed clutching Olivia's shaking shoulders.

She heard him and broke out in wracked sobs.

"I'm ok." She whispered trying to hide her cries.

"It's ok if you're not Liv." Huang whispered.

"I'm fine." She spat through gritted teeth needing them to believe her when she said she was alright and wanting them to stop worrying.

"They want to take you for X-Ray's Olivia are you up for doing that now?" Cragen asked knowing it was important to do it especially with Olivia thrashing about in her nightmares.

"Yeah let's get it over with so I can go home." She mumbled.

"Olivia you've just had surgery you're not going anywhere for a few days." Cragen replied.

"I want to go home, I _am_ going home and don't you try and stop me!" Olivia replied angrily, she'd always hated hospitals but now she wanted to be in her own bed and alone.

Huang shook his head towards Cragen he knew that pressurising Olivia into doing anything when she was normal was near impossible but doing it when she was so fragile could have devastating effects. Elliot came in with a nurse who had a wheelchair to take her to X-ray. Once she was in the chair everyone made to follow her but were stopped when she hissed angrily at them.

"I don't need an escort or babysitters."

They looked nervously at each other, including Elliot but when she reached for his hand he realised that she wanted him beside her.

Xxx

When Olivia arrived back in bed she had to wait only ten minutes to find out the result of her X-ray.

"Nothing broken so your ribs will just be bruised and sore for a few days." The doctor smiled gently.

"Great so I can go home now?" Olivia replied.

"Ms Benson, you had surgery just over twelve hours ago, I don't want you leaving bed for another two days." The doctor explained.

"And I won't but I need to go home now." She replied.

The doctor glanced at Elliot. She knew the circumstances behind Olivia's injuries but not the full extent and she had no experience with victims so no idea how to approach this.

"I'll stay with her Doc, she hates hospitals." Elliot said deciding that arguing with the doctor would be far easier than argue with Olivia.

"Let me examine her stitches make sure she's healing, then I'll decide." The doctor replied washing her hands with antibacterial gel before pulling on some gloves.

"I'll wait in the corridor." Elliot said.

"No! Don't go." Olivia pleaded her eyes screaming for him not to leave.

"Ok I won't go." He replied hurriedly to calm her down.

He helped her pull off her trousers and turned her back while she pulled off her panties. The doctor covered her up with a blanket as she bent and opened her legs before clutching Elliot's hand for him to turn back to her.

"Ok?" He asked her gently.

She just grimaced in pain as she felt herself being poked and prodded.

"Ms Benson, I would much prefer if you'd stay at least until tomorrow." The doctor said pulling the blanket down before removing the gloves.

"No Elliot please don't make me stay!" She pleaded her eyes filling with fresh tears.

"I won't, doc she isn't going to stay, we have friends who are doctors who can keep an eye on her." Elliot explained.

"If I can speak with one of them who will say they will observe her then I'll let her go." The doctor replied.

Elliot nodded and went into the corridor to get Huang and explain quickly to him what he was asking.

"Doctor Michaels how often is she on obs?" Huang asked looking over Olivia's chart.

"She's on hourly at the moment, I'm guessing that's a lot to ask of you..."

"No it isn't, how long should she be on hourly for?" Huang asked knowing that keeping Olivia in hospital when she didn't want to be there would be more damaging to her mental health.

"Well if she'd stay she'd be on hourly for the next forty eight at the least, she's had surgery and that's what is normally routine." Doctor Michaels explained calmly.

"That's not a problem, I have equipment back at the office so I can keep her on IV fluids and morphine too." Huang replied.

"Good idea, have you got a heart monitor?" Doctor Michaels asked.

"Yeah, it's an old fashioned one but it still works so it will do for what we need." Huang replied.

"Ok, well I'll get the papers then and you can take her." Doctor Michaels replied. "Actually can I speak with you outside?"

Huang nodded and followed the doctor into the corridor.

"She went four days without telling anyone about the bleeding and pain she was in, I'm worried that she'll do the same again if the stitches come apart." The doctor explained.

"You need someone to examine the stitches then." Huang replied a statement, not a question.

"Well yeah, I mean will she let you do it?" Doctor Michaels asked nervously.

"I don't know but her best friend is and ME and I'm sure she'll let her do it." Huang replied.

"Will the ME?"

"Absolutley." Huang replied nodding his head.

"Ok well I'll get the papers and you can get her home, I trust that you know what you're doing and you're qualified so I have no objections, I'll give you my number, any problems don't hesitate to call me and of course in an emergency bring her in." Doctor Michaels explained.

"Thank you." Huang replied feeling relieved that he'd be able to observe Olivia much better and he had an excuse to do it now without her feeling uncomfortable.

**I don't know where this story is actually going people. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

"Are you comfortable Liv?" Elliot asked as Huang wired her up to a heart monitor.

She just nodded, she felt too weak to put words together.

"Ok I'm done." Huang replied just checking her IV back once again.

She nodded, her eyes were fighting fatigue but she held tight to Elliot the whole time.

"I'll be in the living room." Huang added leaving in the two alone for a while.

"Thanks." Elliot replied giving him a polite nod.

He sat on the bed holding Olivia's hand as she fought the sleep that was trying to pull her in.

"Liv." Elliot whispered. "Try and get some sleep."

"No I don't want to." Olivia replied knowing that the second she fell asleep the nightmares would begin to haunt her.

"Why Liv?" Elliot asked stroking her hand.

"Will you hold me Elliot?" She asked her voice broken.

"If that's what you want Liv." Elliot replied.

She nodded and he climbed in the other side of the bed and gently wrapped his arms around her.

"Thank you." She whispered. "Don't leave me."

"Never Liv." Elliot replied rubbing his cheek into hers.

She stopped fighting the fatigue and fell asleep and Elliot drifted off soon later.

Xxx

"No... Don't... please...stop...don't...stop...please..." Olivia mumbled as she tossed and turned.

It woke Elliot up to hear her and he could only hold her as she began to cry in her sleep.

"Liv baby, come on, I'm right here, you're safe baby wake up." She whispered into her ear as he held her as tight as he could.

She woke up fast in a panic.

"You're safe Liv I've got you." Elliot whispered still holding her.

"El?" She croaked.

"Right here." He replied.

"Can you help me sit up?" She asked in a whimper.

"Yeah come here." Elliot sorted out her pillows and slowly helped her up to sitting, she winced in pain but managed to make sure Elliot didn't see as he placed her to sit upright.

"I can't do this Elliot..." Olivia hiccupped as the tears gushed down her face.

"Yes you can Liv, you're not on your own don't forget that." He whispered taking her hand and rubbing it against his cheek.

"I feel like I am El! I know you're here, and I'm so grateful but I can't ... I feel ... I don't even know!" She sobbed.

"Shh Liv, I've got you." He whispered pulling her into his chest as she shook with wracked sobs.

She clutched to Elliot's shirt as she cried. Completely overcome with emotion, a mixture of fatigue, sadness and the constant memory of what was done to her.

"El!" She sobbed.

"I'm right here." He whispered stroking her hair as her face burrowed into his chest.

Huang came into the room and quietly checked her heart monitor before taking a seat on the bedside. Olivia felt the weight of the bed change and she knew who it was but she wasn't about to move, she felt far too comfortable and safe in Elliot's arms.

"Olivia..." Huang whispered making her pay attention and turned towards him a little. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't know." She shrugged.

"How's the pain?" He asked taking her wrist into his hand and checking her pulse manually even though she was hooked up to a heart monitor.

"Fine." She replied the truth was physically she was numb, the pain mentally however was a complete different story.

"Ok want to talk about what happened?" Huang asked gently putting her arm down.

"El ... could you make me some coffee?" Olivia asked.

He knew what she was doing, he knew her better than she knew herself.

"Ok." He replied kissing her temple heavily before climbing out of the bed.

Once the door was closed Olivia turned back to Huang.

"I can't tell him what happened." Olivia explained why she'd sent Elliot away.

"Why can't you tell him Liv?" Huang asked gently.

"I don't know, I don't want him to know." Olivia explained weakly.

"You don't want him to know the details?" Huang asked, he'd read the fives as soon as Munch and Fin had typed them up.

"No, it's like ... I don't even know why? But I know I can't tell him what happened." Olivia replied honestly as she fumbled with the edge of the duvet.

"There's many reason I can think of." Huang shrugged.

"Like?" Olivia asked wanting to be able to confirm or deny what he thought.

"Well he's your partner, you're afraid that he'll only be able to see you as a victim now and you don't want that. Also, telling him makes it final and that's something you don't want to happen."

Olivia didn't need to answer as her eyes pooled with fresh tears threatening to fall down her all ready tear stained cheeks.

"I'm right aren't I?" He asked needing a verbal confirmation.

"I just feel so weak, I've never ... in my life ... I don't ..." Olivia hiccupped unable to string together a coherent sentence.

"It's ok Liv, just take a deep breath." Huang spoke soothingly trying to calm down.

Olivia took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"I don't want to be stuck in bed feeling so helpless." She sighed wiping the tear tracks on her cheeks.

"That's only temporary Liv you'll be up and moving around soon and you'll be able to get back to your own self." Huang explained.

"I need to sleep and actually sleep not for an hour or two." Olivia replied.

"I could administer a sleeping aid if you want." Huang suggested.

"Maybe later." Olivia shrugged it was something she really wanted but now she wanted to talk, she wasn't sure if was helping but it she didn't want to close her eyes again.

"Ok do you want to carry on talking?"

Olivia nodded in reply.

"Ok why don't you tell me about the nightmares you've been having?" Huang suggested gently knowing that it was a sensitive subject.

"What's there to say?" She shrugged.

"Tell me what happens in the dream Liv." Huang replied.

"They ... I don't know Huang they're like flash backs but like I'm looking from the outside so it's not happening to me I see it happening to me." Olivia tried to explain.

"Is it actually what happened or are there things that didn't happen or you're not sure if they happened or not?" Huang asked.

"No they're what happened, I know that's what happened I remember it all Huang even though I wish I didn't." Olivia explained.

"You're trying to dissociate with what happened, separate what happened to you from yourself to make it easier to handle." Huang replied honestly.

"I know, I've worked with people who have this George I'm not stupid." Olivia sighed trying to sit up. "I need the bathroom." She explained pulling back the duvet.

"Ok, let me help you Liv, I need to take the wires off." He explained trying to help her.

"Ok." She replied and she waited for him to pull the wires gently from her skin and move the IV.

"I'll take this from you for a moment hold on." He whispered taking hold of her hand.

Olivia waited patiently for Huang to remove the tube of the IV from her hand before he helped her to her feet.

"I can walk." She spat.

"I know, I'm sorry just take it easy." He replied as she clutched to his arm in pure agony with every step she took.

"Take it real slow Liv." He told her as she took shaky steps towards the bathroom.

"I'll be ok from here." She whispered once she could grab the door handle.

"Ok I'll wait here for you to be done." He replied taking a step back and watching her disappear into the mouth of the bathroom shutting the door and locking it behind her.

Once she sat down on the toilet she yelled out in agony as she passed water. It was agonizing hell.

"Liv?" Elliot asked running into the bedroom. "Where is she?"

"Bathroom." Huang nodded his head towards the door.

"Why is she yelling?" He asked his face white from the bloodcurdling screams echoing from the closed door.

"She's had surgery and she's now passing urine, it's going to hurt." Huang explained bluntly.

"I can't..." Elliot's voice broke as he couldn't even hear himself think as another echoing scream travelled through the door.

"I know Elliot, she needs to sleep, I'm going to give her a sedative so she can sleep, she's agreed to let me give it to her." He explained knowing that Elliot would object if he thought Liv wouldn't want it.

"Ok." Elliot replied as the bathroom door opened.

He walked to her and wrapped his arm around her waist as her free hand grabbed his arm.

"Ok Liv I've got you." He whispered as she shuffled nervously back to bed.

He slowly helped her back into the bed carefully lowering her down as she winced and grimaced in pain.

"Liv I'll give you some pain relief do you want to sleep now?" Huang asked lifting the medical bag he'd packed from the floor.

"Yeah." She replied.

"Ok, you should get a few hours sleep with this." He explained pulling out a needle and vile.

"Ok." Olivia nodded knowing she could fall asleep without the drugs but the problem was staying asleep.

He injected the pain relief and sedative directly through her IV hooking the tube back to her in the process. She didn't fight the fatigue that hit almost instantly as Huang hooked her back onto the heart monitor.

"She should sleep for at least eight hours now." He explained as he gathered all his medical supplies.

"Ok." Elliot nodded going back into the living room and followed closely by George Huang.

"So how are you holding up?" Huang asked as Elliot made them both coffee.

"Fine, I'm not the one who needs a shrink George." Elliot replied in such a non-threatening manner so unlike Elliot that it told Huang otherwise.

He waited for the coffee's to be made and joined Elliot on the couch.

"Elliot it's not healthy for you to keep everything bottled up, if you want to be there for Olivia you need to lean on people, talk to me and let me help you." He said breaking the awkward silence that had been clouding them.

Elliot sighed and shrugged unsure where to even begin telling the doctor what was worrying him.

"I'm terrified that she's never going to recover." He finally whispered after a long moment's silence.

"Why?" Huang asked bluntly needing more information before he could give any advice.

"She's my friend, my best friend and I can't see her getting over this!" Elliot explained angrily.

"Elliot, she will, she's stronger than you're giving her credit for." Huang replied.

Just as Elliot was about to reply the steady bleeping that had been echoing through Olivia's open bedroom door became louder and faster making both Huang and Elliot run into the room.

"Pull her pillows!" Huang yelled as he tore back the duvet.

The scene he found turned his stomach and he'd seen some of the worse thing imaginable.

"Call 911." Huang explained as he pulled Olivia's bloodied pyjama bottoms off. "Tell them to bring a unit of A positive."

Once Olivia's panties were off he pushed her legs up to as much of a ninety degree angle as he could.

"What's happened?" Elliot asked his face white.

"Her stitches must have come undone when she went to the bathroom." Huang explained as he pulled on latex gloves and grabbed a vile and injection.

"You're the same blood type as Liv right?" Huang asked his face a picture of shock.

"Yeah." Elliot nodded swallowing hard in fear.

"Take this ... pull on some gloves, inject it upwards into your arm above the elbow and then take this bit off and tape it to your skin, then do the same to Olivia but down from the elbow you'll know if you've got it in as blood will fill this bit." Huang explained, once he handed the equipment over to Elliot he injected Olivia's lower regions.

"What are you doing?" Elliot asked as he stabbed himself with a needle.

"I have to fix her up here or she's going to die." He explained trying to keep calm.

Elliot tried to focus on what he was asked to do rather than what Huang was doing but he couldn't deny that he felt sick.

"Attach this pipe to both of you and keep your arm upright and that will feed your blood straight into her." Huang explained further as he pulled out a small suture kit.

"EMT's and police!" A yell came from the door.

"Break it down!" Huang yelled back as he was too busy trying to save Olivia's life to move and Elliot was connected to Olivia by a thin pipe.

They heard the door break open, Huang frowned as he tried to focus on stitching Olivia.

"Detective Olivia Benson, internal bleeding from lacerations in the vaginal canal, she underwent surgery sutures opened, she's receiving blood from a live donor and I'm suturing her back up now." Huang explained his eyes not moving from the stitches he was performing.

"I knew I should never have let her leave the hospital." Don Cragen said from the door way.

"Cap?" Elliot turned to his superior in shock.

"What happened?" He asked coming over to the detective.

"Huang thinks her stitches came undone when she used the bathroom earlier, we were just talking in the living room, he'd given her a sedative and she was sleeping so we left the bedroom door open and we heard the machine going mad and rushed in and we found her bleeding." Elliot explained hurriedly.

"Ok I'm done." Huang replied as he slowly moved away leaving the paramedics to begin placing Olivia on a stretcher.

"You need to stay by her side, take the side of the stretcher." One EMT told him.

Elliot grabbed the side of the stretcher while Huang took the other side and an EMT took each end.

"On my count, one, two and lift." The EMT said.

"I'll meet you at the hospital. Saint Catherine's?" Cragen asked.

"Yeah." One EMT replied leaving the dumb struck Captain behind them as they walked off.

He stood there, looking down at the blood stained bed and then at the broken door unsure what to do with himself and he felt sickened and scared.

**I don't know where this story is actually going people. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

Olivia felt so heavy when her eyes began to open. She groaned weakly as she tried to move and felt the most agonizing pain between her legs. The worse thing was that she wasn't sure where she was.

"El?" She called knowing the detective wouldn't be too far away from her, she couldn't open her eyes properly.

"Liv?" He replied taking her hand in his own.

"Where am I?" She croaked weakly trying not to panic.

"Back in hospital Liv." He explained.

"Oh." She replied before dropping back to sleep.

Elliot could only watch. This was the fourth time in eighteen hours that she'd come round ask where she was then gone straight back out again.

"Elliot?" Cragen whispered coming back into the room and seeing him once again clutching Olivia's hand.

"She came round again." He explained his eyes not leaving her.

"I guessed but Elliot ... you need to sleep." Cragen told him firmly.

"I will, when she's better." Elliot replied.

"Elliot ..."

"Don't Cap', my mind won't rest until I know she's ok." He explained as tears pooled his eyes.

"While she's sleeping, now she's ok, she's going to need you full game when she wakes up Elliot, go home and get some sleep and I will call you the second she comes around properly." Cragen told him firmly.

"I can't." Elliot replied.

"I won't leave her side Elliot." Cragen told him.

"And you'll call me as soon as she comes round?" Elliot asked

"I promise."

Xxx

Ten hours after Cragen had sent Elliot home Olivia came round but this time she came round properly. She felt exactly as she had every other time she'd come round but of course she didn't even know that she'd been in and out of consciousness for over twenty eight hours.

"El?" She groaned.

Cragen who hadn't let go of Olivia's hand thought it was just another drift into consciousness.

"No Olivia its Don." He replied his thumb massaging her hand.

"Where's Elliot?" She croaked weakly trying to open her heavy eyes.

"He's resting." Cragen replied.

"Oh." She nodded weakly. "Where am I?"

"Saint Catherine's." He replied waiting for her to drift off asleep one again.

"What time is it?" She continued making Cragen realise that she wasn't drifting off yet.

"It's three am Olivia." He replied.

"Oh." She nodded fighting her eyes open.

"Where am I?" She asked again making Don Cragen swallow hard.

"Saint Catherine's hospital Olivia, you just asked that." He replied.

"Oh ... yeah... where's Elliot?" She asked.

He realised there was something wrong for her to be repeating herself.

"Olivia are you ok if I step out to make a phone call?" Cragen asked uncertain whether or not she should be left alone.

"Yeah I'm fine." She nodded her eyes still closed.

He let go of her hand and quickly slipped out into the corridor, she using this moment to go to sleep once again.

"George I need you." Cragen said into the phone before hanging up and going back into the room.

He walked to Olivia and took her hand in his own waiting for her to say something and when she didn't he realised that she was asleep again.

Xxx

It took just over an hour for George Huang to walk into Olivia's room at Saint Catherine's hospital.

"Hey." Huang smiled softly as he walked into the room.

"She's out again." Cragen explained as he continued to stroke her hand.

"I see, what happened for you to call me?" Huang asked knowing it was something serious for Cragen to call him at three in the morning.

"She came round again, I thought it was just another brief wake up again but then she asked what time it was and then I answered and then she asked me again where she was and I replied and told her she'd already asked she nodded and then asked me again where Elliot was." He explained. "Is she ... what's wrong with her memory?" Cragen asked in an almost panic.

"Don't worry Don, she's fine, she's just confused from the cocktail of medication and loss of blood, it's going to take her a while and she won't remember most of the times she's woken up maybe bits of it but it will probably just be puzzle pieces." Huang explained going around to the other side and taking Olivia's other hand into his own.

"The doctors confirmed that you saved her life George." Cragen said filling the awkward silent that had clouded around them.

"I did what I could." George shrugged.

"You could have lost your medical license you practically operated on her in her bedroom." Cragen replied having been listening to the doctors talking in the corridor.

"I know, but it was Olivia, I had to save her..." Huang replied trying not to cry in front of Don Cragen.

"Thank you." Cragen whispered blinking back his own tears. "I don't think ... I can't think what would happen if she ..." He couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

"Don't even begin thinking like that. She's going to be fine. She's in the best place now and I don't think even Olivia would argue against being here after everything." Huang replied his eyes fixed on Olivia as he focused on hiding his tears.

"I can't help it." Cragen whispered as Olivia began to stir once again.

"Cap?" She whispered hoarsely.

"Right here Olivia." He whispered.

"El?" She asked her head turning limply towards Huang.

"No Olivia it's George." Huang replied.

"Oh hey." She whispered giving his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I think she's back." Cragen said giving Huang a weak smile.

"She seems more lucid." He nodded.

"She's right here." Olivia replied sarcastically making both men smile.

Her eyes finally fluttered open taking a few moments to adjust to the light.

"How's the pain Olivia?" Huang asked.

"Off the charts." Olivia replied her voice breathy and scratchy.

"Want me to get a doctor?" Huang asked her.

"No. No not now, I'd rather cope with the pain for a bit." Olivia explained. "So is someone going to tell me what happened and how I ended back here?"

"Olivia, when you went to the bathroom back at the house, you must have caught your stitches and you started to bleed." Huang began to explain.

"Ok." Olivia nodded.

"You almost bled out, we set up a quick blood transfusion from Elliot to you and then I had to ..." Huang's voice hitched, he knew Olivia wasn't going to be pleased.

"What?" She asked giving his hand another comforting squeeze.

"I had to stitch you up there and then on the bed in your apartment." He explained weakly.

"What? Why?" She asked in shock.

"You wouldn't have made it to the hospital, I had two options, let you die or operate and I chose the latter Liv." He explained.

"Thank you." She whispered tears pooling her eyes. "You saved my life ... thank you."

"Anytime Liv." Huang whispered knowing that there was a chance she'd never look at him the same because of what he had done but he knew it had been necessary to save her life.

"Where's Elliot?" She asked weakly.

"I sent him home to get some sleep, he stood beside you for so long I thought he'd collapse. I'll go call him..." He started to pull away letting go of her hand but she held it tighter and pulling him back.

"Let him rest." Olivia replied. "How long ... How long was I out?"

"Well including the hour I was working on you at your place twenty nine hours and that doesn't include the couple of hours sleep you got before you went into shock."

"I've been out for more than twenty nine hours?" Olivia asked in surprise.

"Yeah." Cragen nodded.

"Wow." Olivia sighed leaning her head back further into the pillow.

"Olivia how's the pain?" Huang asked once again.

"You already asked me that." Olivia laughed softly but the laugh made her grimace in pain.

"That gives me the answer." Huang replied.

"No it doesn't it's imaginable, luckily I have a ... high threshold for pain." Olivia explained as she adjusted herself.

Huang reached over to the bedside and passed Olivia the remote control for the bed so she could adjust it herself.

"I haven't told the doctors you've come around yet." Cragen whispered.

"Don't... N-Not yet." Olivia whispered.

Both men just looked at her unsure what she meant.

"I just want to relax and not have doctors poking and prodding at me." She explained. "Just for a few minutes." She explained before breaking out in a yawn. "They'll just pump me full of more drugs and knock me out again."

"That would be better than being in pain." Cragen suggested.

"I know, but I want to be awake when Elliot comes back." She replied breaking out into another yawn.

"Looks like you could fall asleep without the drugs Olivia." Huang smiled softly.

"I'm still woozy." Olivia replied shrugging, she could feel her eyes trying to fight the drowsiness.

"Let yourself sleep Liv, sleep naturally and then you'll feel even better when you wake up." Huang explained rubbing her hand.

"Ok." She nodded rubbing her cheek into the pillow and closing her eyes falling instantly asleep.

Cragen and Huang looked at each other and then back at Olivia.

"At least while she's focusing on the physical she's not thinking over what happened." Cragen whispered.

"Yeah, I hope she lets herself get physically better before we even begin to worry about the after affects of the mental." Huang replied sighing, he knew she had a long battle ahead of her.

Xxx

When Olivia woke up she let out a gasping sob of pain.

"Liv?" Elliot said squeezing her hand.

She was in far too much pain to speak so she squeezed his hand back as she let out another sob.

"I'll get someone Liv just hold on." He whispered and she let go of his hand and squeezed her eyes shut.

"Olivia are you in pain?" Huang asked coming from his seat beside the bed.

Olivia could only nod as she was still unable to speak. Elliot returned with a doctor who grabbed a needle and vile.

"I'm just going to give you a shot of morphine and then I'll set the morphine drip Ms Benson." The Doctor stated.

Olivia still couldn't say anything and gave a weak nod.

"It will work fast so just hold on." She added as Olivia gripped the bed sheets while Elliot stroked the side of her face.

The doctor left and Olivia held tight to George Huang's and Elliot's hands as she waited for the pain to ease up. Once it did a memory flooded her mind that had her breaking out in wracked sobs.

_She felt him release inside her and she felt sick, all she could do was feebly fight against him as her hands were cuffed behind her back. She could see him reaching for something through the corner of her eye and saw the metal of the bar. She hoped this would be it, this is where he would kill her, finished her off but she was sadly mistaken. It felt like someone had cut her insides with a knife as the metal pole thrust inside of her, she screamed an ear splitting scream as he twisted the broken bar before extracting it. She thought she'd been sliced with a knife or had someone tear out her insides because the pain was excruciating._

"Liv?" Elliot asked wrapping an arm around her.

"I'm fine, I'm sorry." She sobbed into his shoulder.

"What is it Liv? The pain? Are you still in pain?" He asked her as he tried his best to rock her backwards and forwards.

She just shook her head violently to show that it wasn't the pain, not the physical pain he was thinking of anyway.

"The pipe." She mumbled.

Huang leant in his face white, he knew what she had said and what it meant but Elliot didn't, he still didn't know the details of what had happened in the basement of Sealview prison.

"It feels ... It feels like he's doing it again ... the pain ... it's almost exactly the same as the broken pipe." She hiccupped and Elliot looked at Huang understanding it was something to do with what had happened but not knowing the full extent.

"Olivia?" Huang asked gaining her attention even though she still held tight to Elliot. "Are you saying the amount of pain you're in now is the same amount of pain as you were when he thrust the metal pipe inside you?" Huang asked and Elliot had stop breathing in order to stop himself vomiting.

"Yes ... but it's ... the pain feel the same ... the same..." She hiccupped.

"It feels like he's done it again?" Huang asked and she nodded frantically.

"Ok Liv, just remember he hasn't, he can't get anywhere near you Olivia you're safe." Huang whispered.

"I know ... I just ... I flashed back." She explained weakly.

"You flashed back to the moment it happened?" Huang asked to clarify.

She nodded, she felt sick, she knew what it meant even though she didn't want to believe it.

"I could see it all happening again in my mind but it wasn't like the nightmares where I was looking in, this time I was actually looking through my own eyes, I could smell him, feel everything all over again... the pain ... the pain triggered it didn't it?" She sighed through her tears trying to calm herself down.

"It's possible." Huang replied even though the answer he wanted to give her was 'probable' not 'possible'.

"I'm never going to get over this." She cried.

"You will Olivia, with time and therapy you will." Huang replied giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Liv I'm just going to step outside, I'll be back in a second." Elliot whispered kissing her temple lightly.

Olivia nodded and let him go. She could only watch him as she knew he'd found out one of the worst moments of what had happened in Sealview, something she didn't want him to know, something she had wanted to protect him from knowing.

"He raped her with a broken metal pole?" Elliot asked Cragen as soon as he was out in the corridor with his Captain.

"That's what she said, we also found the bar and it's in evidence and it has Olivia's blood and vaginal cells and the injuries she sustained are consistent with trauma of this magnitude." Cragen replied.

"Hold up!" Elliot snapped. "Stop talking about her as if she's just another case and talk to me about her as if she's Olivia!" He yelled.

Olivia squeezed Huang's hand and closed her eyes. She wondered if Elliot knew that she could hear every word of what they were saying. A part of her wanted to listen and needed to know but another part of her wanted to shut it all out.

"Elliot! It's the only way I can say what happened without barfing, so I'm sorry if it isn't how you want to hear it but I have to say it like that!" Cragen replied.

"But she's not just any victim Cap' it's Olivia, our Olivia and she's ... He ruined her, inside and out he destroyed her... I'm going to kill him." Elliot replied punching the wall opposite Olivia's room.

She heard his fist connect with the wall and she grimaced in reaction.

"Want me to go tell them to stop?" Huang asked.

"No." She replied trying to listen again.

"Elliot I know how much Olivia means to you and ..."

"No you don't! No you don't know how much she means to me because no one knows! I love her! I love her more than words could ever describe and it is killing me seeing her like this. I love her Cap. I love Olivia."

**Not much left of this story because everything I was originally going to use for this is going to be used on my Sequel to Captured for those of you eagerly awaiting it, I have started it! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

She looked at Huang unsure what to do with herself. Olivia had just heard the words she had dreamed of hearing coming out of Elliot's mouth. When Elliot stormed back into the room he re-took Olivia's hand and she gave it a gentle squeeze unsure whether or not she should tell him that she had heard him. Glancing at Huang, she decided she'd tell him when they were alone together, now wasn't really the time to tell him she loved him too more than he could ever know.

"How are you feeling Liv?" Elliot asked gently, leaning over and stroking her forehead with her finger.

"Drowsy again." Olivia replied bitterly.

"Don't fight it Liv, the more you sleep thee better you should get. Just rest." He whispered.

She turned her head right towards him and nodded before closing her eyes and drifting back off to sleep.

"How long is she going to be like this for?" Elliot asked.

"What sleeping?" Huang asked as Cragen joined them, Elliot just nodded his eyes not moving from Olivia's peaceful face.

"A few days if she's going to be on this amount of pain killers, the stuff will keep making her sleep but she'll heal soon Elliot you just need to believe that and let the drugs work." Huang explained.

"I know, at least when she's sleeping ... at least when she's sleeping she isn't thinking about what happened to her." Elliot replied.

"That's true, if she heals physically we can work on the mental injuries afterwards." Huang added.

Xxx

Olivia slept for five hours, when she woke up it was only Elliot stood beside her.

"Hey." She whispered drowsily.

"Hey are you ok?" He smiled gently leaning in to her.

"Better."She nodded trying to smile but it looked more like a grimace.

"Are you in pain?" Elliot asked.

"A little but it's not that bad." Olivia replied weakly.

"Let me know if it is Liv and I'll get the doctor." Elliot replied.

"El..." Olivia began turning her head away from him and fumbling nervously with the blanket.

"What is it Olivia?" He asked gently.

"I... I heard you ... I heard you tell Cragen ..." She mumbled.

"You ..."

"Wait ..." She said turning her head to face him.

"What?" He asked his heart hammering inside his chest.

"I can't ... I've been ... " Olivia placed her free hand on her head trying to figure out how to tell him what she needed to say.

"Hey..." Elliot whispered leaning over stroking her bangs out of her forehead.

"I love you too." She whispered.

His heart almost stood still. He wasn't sure if he'd heard her right or if he was just hearing what he wanted to hear and had want to hear for nine years.

"Well say something." She added.

"I don't ... I can't ... I love you." He whispered. "I love you Olivia."

"I love you too Elliot." She replied her voice cracking as tears filled her brown eyes.

He leant over the cot side and kissed her forehead not wanting to move to fast but she moved her head so her lips gently brushed against his. He was gentle, letting her control his movements because he knew with the trauma she'd endured one wrong move could make her crumble. Her lips latched onto his deeper becoming a little more heated.

"Mhm Liv..." He whispered as she continued to guide their kiss latching on and letting go repeatedly.

Her hands wrapped around his neck as his finger stroked her arm.

"El..." She moaned as she kissed him enjoying every second of his touch.

They were so wrapped up in each other they didn't hear the door open and close. He stood there watching them unsure how to react as two emotions ran through his body, happiness at seeing the two detectives finally together and sadness at knowing what could happen to the two of them. He coughed to stop them, making them jump apart.

"Cap." Elliot gasped.

Olivia just closed her eyes, her hand covering her swollen lips.

"Elliot, Olivia." He replied.

"Cap." Olivia whispered her eyes darting around the room.

"How are you feeling Olivia?" He asked coming over to the end of the bed.

"Better." She nodded. "Much better."

"I'm glad to hear it, you seemed to have regained some colour in your cheeks." He replied making Olivia's cheeks flush scarlet.

She looked over at Elliot and then closed her eyes unsure what to say or where to look as the awkward silence enveloped them. The knock on the door had Olivia opening her eyes again and in walked the doctor.

"Hello Ms Benson, are you ok?" She smiled coming over to the side of the bed.

"Hi, better thanks." Olivia replied feeling grateful for the doctor's presence in the room.

"And the pain?" The doctor asked as she checked the IV bag and heart monitor.

"A six." Olivia answered honestly.

"That's much better you are due for a shot of morphine do you want to take it?"

"No, not now, if it gets worse then maybe." Olivia explained, she didn't want to be reliant on drugs.

"Ok, I'll come back in an hour to check on you, if you need anything just press the buzzer." She smiled before leaving the three of them alone again.

Elliot gave Olivia's hand a gentle squeeze and she returned it before turning to him and smiling, her eyes latching onto his. Cragen's eyes shifted from Elliot to Olivia uncomfortably. He wasn't sure what to make of what happened but when Olivia drifted off to sleep again he used it as an opportunity to talk with Elliot who was still leaning over Olivia and stroking her cheek, watching the rise and fall of her chest.

"Elliot." Cragen whispered going to the opposite side of the bed and taking Olivia's hand in his own.

"What?" Elliot asked not even looking at his Captain.

"Well, what ... what happened between you and Olivia?" He replied sighing, he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the truth.

"She heard me talking to you." Elliot replied.

"Oh." Cragen sighed remembering the moment Elliot had confessed his love for his partner out in the corridor.

"Yeah... I don't know what this is, I mean, she's fragile, she's hurting and I'm terrified." Elliot replied honestly as tears prickled his eyes.

"I want you to talk to Huang." Cragen stated.

"No." Elliot said firmly. "No way, I don't need a shrink."

"Elliot..."

"No Cap, the only person who needs a shrink is Olivia and that's so she can sort through this mess that Lowell Harris made of her." Elliot replied angrily.

"Elliot, she is fragile and hurting and I'm scared that she's latched onto you to get through this and I'm scared that one of you'll get hurt." Cragen explained honestly.

"I won't hurt her." Elliot whispered his heart hammering in his chest at the thought.

"I know." Cragen whispered.

"So you think I'm the one who's going to get hurt." Elliot replied shakily.

"I don't know."

"Just go." Elliot whispered. "Please just go, and don't let Liv hear you say anything like that."

Cragen let go of Olivia's hand and nodded before leaving, his head was bowed and his shoulders hunched as he made his way back into the corridor where George Huang was keeping vigil.

"Don?" Huang asked knowing that there was something wrong with the aging Captain.

"I ..." Cragen sighed, he didn't even know where to begin explaining what he'd seen.

"Don." Huang pushed.

"Elliot and Olivia were kissing when I went into the room." He explained.

Huang just stared, he wasn't even sure where to begin.

"Well?" Cragen asked needing the shrink to say something.

"It doesn't surprise me." Huang replied honestly.

"What do you mean?" Cragen asked.

"Well Elliot confessed to you he loved her, she's clearly been into him for years, he's divorced now, come on Don it was just a matter of time." Huang replied shrugging.

"But ..."

"I know, now isn't the best time but Olivia needs someone close, she's holding on to the person she's been closest too for years. He's always been there for him and right now she needs him more than she ever has." Huang explained.

"Someone's going to get hurt." Cragen whispered.

"Elliot's a big boy, he can look after himself." Huang replied knowing what Cragen meant.

"God I hope so."

**So yeah... still no idea what I'm doing with this but I'll see what I can come up with ehehehe x**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

Olivia's eyes fluttered open and then closed for what seemed like the hundredth time in the last ten hours. She'd been given another shot of morphine and all it seemed to do was make her sleep, then she'd wake maybe speak and drift straight off again and then have no recollection of waking or speaking.

"El?" She asked.

When no reply came her eyes flew wide open. She looked around and saw that she was alone and her heart began hammering inside her chest.

"Elliot?" She called loudly hoping he was outside.

George Huang came into the room quickly but there was no sign of Elliot.

"Cragen's taken him to get something to eat." Huang explained coming to the side of the bed and taking her hand.

"Oh ok." She nodded. "I just don't want to be alone." She explained.

"I'm sure you don't Liv. How's the pain?" Huang asked.

"A ten." She replied shifting uncomfortably.

"Want me to get the doctor?" He asked.

"No not till I've spoken with Elliot, how long have I slept this time?" She asked turning her head to look at him.

"Ten hours, do you remember waking up at all?"

"No." She shook her head as she answered.

"I'm not surprised the combination of drugs you're on would make any person drift in and out of consciousness." He explained.

"Why what else have the got me on bar morphine?" She asked.

"Anti-inflammatory's, antibiotics and morphine." He replied.

"Sounds like a nice cocktail." Olivia laughed feebly making Huang smile.

"Shame it isn't of the drinking kind." Huang smiled giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"How is Elliot holding up?" Olivia asked knowing that Huang would be watching his every move and judging his every reaction.

"He's ok. Worried about you but he's ok." Huang replied honestly.

"Good, I'm glad." She nodded.

"How are you holding up Liv?" Huang asked becoming her shrink rather than her friend for a moment.

"I don't even know." Olivia shrugged.

"What do you mean?" Huang asked knowing she was frustrated by the frown on her face.

"I mean I don't know how I am mentally, physically I'm in agony and it's hard to be in so much pain but I am fed up of being unconscious but mentally and emotionally I have no idea what's going on." She explained shrugging and sighing as she spoke.

"Can you pin point any emotion that you're feeling I know there are more but we can work with one." Huang explained.

"I feel ... frightened." Olivia sighed closing her eyes, she hated admitting weakness to anyone.

"What's making you frightened?" Huang asked gently stroking the back of her hand trying to coax her to open up.

"Everything that happens next." Olivia whispered.

"Like?" Huang continued.

"Court." Olivia replied. "Healing, it's not that I don't want to heal obviously, it's just the process of it all." Olivia explained hoarsely.

"I understand, let's talk about court what scares you about that?"

"Having to see him again." Olivia explained. "I want ... I need to ask Casey to plead him out."

"Why do you want her to do that?"

"I don't want to sit in a court room telling people over and over again what he did to me and be cross examined by his lawyer." Olivia replied her tears trickling down her cheek though her eyes were still closed.

"But it's a part of the process Liv, it comes with the healing too, telling your story and making your voice heard and I know you don't need to hear me tell you that." Huang explained.

"I know." She whispered as a sob broke through her lips as much as she had tried to stop it.

"I know it's going to be tough for you, but you have people who love you who are going to be there with you every step of the way."

"I don't want to go to court don't you get it! I want Casey to plead him out and if she doesn't she'll have to subpoena me to be on the stand because I won't do it, I didn't even tell any of you what happened, I told a shrink who broke doctor patient privilege and called Elliot, he confronted me and had he not I would never have told anyone what happened because I didn't want to, I didn't want any of you to know!" Olivia yelled angrily.

"Why didn't you want anyone to know Olivia?" Huang asked calmly already knowing the answer but wanting to see if she'd admit it or not.

"It's none of anyone else's business that's why! I've always managed everything on my own and this was another one of those things, I knew he had no STD's from his prison intake at Central as well as Ashleigh Tyler's blood work and it's so easy to buy emergency contraception over the counter." Olivia explained, her voice weak and broken.

"So you thought you could manage this on your own too." Huang replied. "But why call Doctor Michelle Whitney?"

"Because Elliot made me see that I couldn't do it on my own... I knew that speaking to someone might help and I couldn't speak with Elliot or anyone else down at the one six so I spoke to someone slightly more impartial." Olivia explained trying to make her tears subside by wiping them from her cheeks and keeping her eyes closed.

"Why Michelle though? She was your friend, why chose to disclose to her?" Huang asked knowing there had to be a reason behind it.

"Because I had a feeling she would tell, I knew she wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut and I think a part of me knowing that thought it would be easier to tell once people knew." She explained before breaking out in more sobs.

Huang just carefully stroked her hand as her other hand covered her eyes trying to hide the tears he could still see falling.

"It's ok Liv." He whispered gently.

"I knew ... I knew once he knew something had happened he wouldn't be able to leave it alone ... it's like I wanted to tell you all but I didn't know how too, when Cragen spoke with me after I left Sealview I was ... I was so close to telling him but then I just couldn't, the thought of seeing his face after telling made me not tell even though I wanted to." Olivia sobbed harder making her words almost inaudible.

"I know Liv, its ok." Huang whispered moving back into being a friend rather than a shrink for a moment knowing that's what Olivia needed him to be.

"I just ... I don't understand everything that happened, I knew I was hurt, I'd seen the blood and I remembered the pain but I didn't even want to think about it, admitting he'd hurt me to anyone was admitting it happened and I didn't want to, locking him up for Ashleigh's rape was enough for me." She explained further.

"But it isn't enough Liv, you deserve justice too, he only got five years for Ashleigh, what he did to you was a heck of a lot more, have your day in court and watch as he goes down for twenty five years." Huang explained.

"He won't get the max, there's no proof of what he did to me." Olivia replied hiccupping as he sobs seized up.

"There is, Cragen sent CSU down to the basement and they found the metal bar, it has his fingerprints and your blood, it's more than enough." Huang explained.

"Oh my God." Olivia cried. "I don't want to! I don't want to go to court and Casey needs to plead him out please don't make me face this, face him again!" Olivia cried as Elliot came into the room followed by Cragen.

"Liv!" Elliot gasped rushing over to her and pulling her into his arms. "What did you say?" He hissed angrily towards Huang.

"We were just talking about what happened." Huang replied.

"Now is not the time!" Elliot snapped.

"Elliot." Cragen whispered placing his hand on Elliot's arm which was wrapped tight around Olivia.

"No! I don't want him shrinking her while she's here, she needs to heal." Elliot snapped. "Now get a doctor, she's in pain."

"How do you know?" Cragen asked.

"By the way she's gripping me and the way she's crying, I know the difference after all these years now get me a doctor!" He snapped angrily.

Cragen nodded and rushed off while Olivia continued to sob into his chest. When the doctor returned she gave Olivia a shot of morphine and it was still at the highest level knocking Olivia out in minutes.

Elliot could only hold her hand while she slept soundly, finally at peace from the horrors she had been made to relive.

Xxx

She slept for another twelve hours, when she woke she saw Elliot fast asleep in one chair beside her bed with Cragen fast asleep in the other. She curled herself up on her side and watched Elliot's even breath making his chest rise and fall gently. A small smile played on her lips while she watched him, all the horrors that had happened didn't seem to be in her mind as she watched the man she loved sleeping soundly. He shifted and woke up to see Olivia's brown eyes staring at him, her smile widened as his opened, he realised how much he wanted to wake to those brown eyes every day.

"Hey." She croaked her voice dry.

"Hey." He smiled coming to sit up. "How are you?" He asked as he took her hand in his own.

"Ok." She nodded weakly, she was still very fatigued and the pain was still excruciating.

"Pain wise?" He asked knowing her to well.

"Off the charts." She replied.

"Want ..."

"No, no more drugs." She replied.

"Olivia ..."

"No Elliot, no more drugs." She said again not wanting to argue with him.

The sound of voices woke up Don Cragen. Olivia's back was too him and he could just about see the top of Elliot's head from where he sat. He didn't move and just listened to his two best detectives talking with one another.

"Liv, baby, if you're in pain you need to take the drugs..."

"Elliot I am fed up of lying here and sleeping all day, I don't even know what day of the week it is or what day in the month anymore, I can't keep up with the amount of hours I've been sleeping and I'm fed up of it." Olivia explained. "What time is it anyway?"

"Three thirty am." He replied looking at his watch.

"Exactly, it's going to take weeks to get a normal sleeping pattern and I just want to get my life back together." She explained her voice cracking.

"Hey." Elliot frowned weakly.

He leant forward and captured her lips in his own and as she kissed him the tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Sorry." She whispered wiping them away.

"Don't apologise Liv, as soon as you're out of here we'll get you better." Elliot replied his thumb rubbing the tear tracks from her skin.

"I just want to get out of here and live again, I feel so helpless being stuck here Elliot, I need to get out of here and get back to work and forget that any of this ever happened." She replied.

"I think Cragen might have a few things to say about you coming back too soon." Elliot replied with a chuckle.

"I'm geared up for an argument." Olivia sighed. "I'm ready to be back, I wouldn't have come after four days if I wasn't. I'm not traumatised from what happened, I've dealt with the mental stuff and just need the physical to heal so I can get back." She explained further.

Elliot knew she hadn't dealt with the mental pain, Olivia wouldn't deal with the mental pain unless she was made too and he knew that wouldn't happen easily.

"Liv ..."

"It's the truth Elliot, the four days that I was off I went over and over what happened and cried a heck of a lot but I'm fine, I've dealt and I just want Casey to plead the bastard out so I can get back to normal. Please don't ask me to take more time than I feel necessary." She explained.

"I think I'm the one who has something to say about that." Cragen replied.

"Cap." Olivia sighed rolling onto her back.

She took the remote for the bed from the side and pushed it so she was sitting upright.

"Olivia, you're not coming back until Huang clears you for active duty do I make myself clear?"

"Cap'n he's not in any position to say whether I'm ready or not, it's my decision not his!" Olivia snapped.

"Olivia I ..."

"No! Don't argue with me about this Cap! I'm more than ready to come back once I heal physically, I'm not mentally scared from this! I haven't got any issues with coming back to work, it won't be a problem, what I went through doesn't make me any less of a detective and I haven't got any issues please don't make me take time off from this." Olivia argued her case as best she could.

"I'm not talking to you about this till you have physically healed Olivia, when we get to that point then we can talk about you coming back ok?" He replied gently.

"Why don't you take my gun and shield now and be done with it?" Olivia snapped curling onto her side her back towards Cragen.

"Olivia ..."

"Don't! You're never going to see me as just a cop ever again, neither is Huang who had to operate on me in my bedroom... just ... just get out! Get out and leave me alone!" She snapped angrily.

One look towards Elliot had Cragen rushing out the room knowing better than to disrespect Olivia's wishes.

"Liv..."

"Don't." She sobbed breaking down again.

Elliot just climbed onto the bed beside her and pulled her into him. She laid her head on his chest and cried herself to sleep. Elliot couldn't move, not that he wanted to but he felt like he should apologise to Cragen for Olivia's behaviour, it was normal for a rape victim to lash out, she wasn't behaving any differently to most rape victims.

**Well I hope you enjoyed, taking a break but will be back with the next chapter soon I hope. xx**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

"How are we this morning Ms Benson?" A nurse smiled coming into the room.

"Tired." Olivia replied without even opening her eyes, the nurses had all figured how to tell the difference between her really sleeping and just lying with her eyes closed.

"The doctor is on her way round, she's thinking of bringing your morphine level down today so hopefully you'll be sleeping a lot less." The nurse replied knowing that the morphine was wreaking havoc with Olivia's sleeping behaviour.

"Good, I've been asking for it down for three days now." Olivia replied.

She'd been in the hospital a total of twelve days now and it was getting tedious, she was in a foul mood with everyone who visited her and still missed most visitors because she was sleeping, Elliot, Cragen and Huang were the only people who spent almost every waking hour at the hospital but they still wouldn't leave her even though she'd told her she'd be fine if they went back to work.

"Where's your family gone?" The nurse asked as she checked Olivia's blood pressure.

"To get something to eat, I told them I wanted some time alone." Olivia explained.

"Ah right, they've been very supportive of you while you've been here haven't they?" She smiled.

"Yeah, they've been my rock." Olivia smiled.

The truth was she was starting to feel smothered, they'd hardly left her alone at all and she had been sleeping a little less since they lowered the morphine down the first time and time alone was what she wanted more than anything.

"Ok well I'll see you in about an hour." The nurse smiled before walking off.

Olivia lay her head back and closed her eyes sinking into a light sleep.

When she woke it took her a moment to realise someone was waking her up.

"Olivia, the doctor's here." Elliot whispered gently.

Olivia sighed, she knew what it meant when the doctor was here, she was going to be poked and prodded and then would have a lecture and then be pumped full of drugs before sleeping for twelve hours, she was sure she'd become nocturnal when she finally went home.

"How are we this morning Olivia?" Doctor Jasmine smiled.

"Good." She replied not wanting to drag it out.

"Pain wise?"

"Almost nonexistent." Olivia answered.

"Good that means we can definitely bring the morphine down a bit more. Now I want you to sit back..."

"I know the drill." Olivia sighed and she took Elliot's hand as she separated her legs and bent them at a ninety degree angle, the doctor sorting out the blanket so that she could check Olivia over.

Olivia breathed deeply and kept her eyes shut, it always made her uncomfortable and feel dirty and it was a reminder of what Harris had actually done to her.

"You're healing perfectly, I think we can take the stitches out today the non-dissolvable ones that is." Doctor Jasmine smiled making Olivia groaned, the non-dissolvable stitches were the ones Huang had done in her bedroom in order to save her life and she couldn't get over how embarrassing that was.

"You don't want them out?" Doctor Jasmine asked hearing Olivia's groan.

"I do, it's just remembering why I need them out." She explained knowing the Doctor knew the story.

"Oh, not to worry, I'll come by this afternoon and we can do that." She smiled.

"Good." Olivia replied knowing she'd be allowed home soon if she was still healing so well.

"The lacerations inside are still not healing as fast as I'd like so it's going to be a couple of days before we have you out of bed and moving around Olivia, I don't want to risk them opening again and having you stuck in bed for weeks."

"Fine." Olivia nodded the truth was she didn't care about walking around but she was looking forward to being able to have a soak in a hot bath.

"Hopefully you'll be able to go home by the end of the week." Doctor Jasmine added which put a smile on Olivia's face.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled and Doctor Jasmine nodded then left.

"That's brilliant news Liv!" Elliot smiled kissing her hand.

"It is right?" She smiled. "Except it's only Monday so it means maximum seven days until the end of the week and that isn't definite." Olivia replied.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Olivia didn't get to go home at the end of the week like she had hoped, it was the following Wednesday when Elliot finally took her home.

"Slowly does it Liv." He whispered as she gripped onto him climbing up the stairs to her apartment.

"Why did the elevator have to be broken to today?" She groaned as she took each step one at a time.

She still felt weak even though she wasn't in any pain, each step would sting a little but she'd been warned that was to be expected, stationary she felt like her old self again.

Once in the apartment Elliot sat Olivia down on the couch and went to switch the kettle on.

"I'm going to get changed El." Olivia told him slowly pushing herself to standing.

He watched her shakily make her way across to the bedroom, each step getting slightly stronger as she got used to being out of bed again. She opened her bedroom door and froze as she saw the sight in front of her.

"El..." She whimpered and he rushed over.

"Oh God Liv." He gasped wrapping his arms around her and leading her out the room. "I forgot, I'll clean it up you get back on the couch, I'll bring you some clothes." He whispered.

"There's so much blood." She whispered.

"I know baby, I know, I'll strip the bed now." He whispered, he'd completely forgotten that no one had been to clean up the mess that had been made when Olivia had almost bled out and Huang had performed emergency surgery.

Olivia sat on the couch and breathed deeply, she hadn't expected anything like that to greet her when she opened the door, she couldn't get the sight of the blood out of her head.

"Bin them Elliot." Olivia called knowing she never would get all the blood out not that she wanted to try either.

"Ok." He replied before going into the bedroom to clean up.

She was shaking in shock. Paralyzed to the spot she sat as she tried to figure what she'd seen out but every time she closed her eyes even to blink the image she'd seen in the bedroom would flash in her mind.

"Liv?" Elliot asked coming out of the bedroom with a bin bag, he could tell she hadn't moved a muscle voluntarily since she'd sat down but he could also see her body was trembling. "Liv I'm going to take this out and I'm going to call Huang ok?" He asked her.

When she didn't protest he knew he was making the right decision calling the doctor, he'd told Elliot to call him anytime day or night and he knew there was a chance he would at some point but he didn't expect it to be seconds after she arrived home.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Less than an hour later and George Huang was sat in the arm chair beside the couch Olivia was still sitting on, still having not moved.

"Olivia, can you tell me what you're thinking?" He asked gently.

Olivia slowly moved to look at him, all the colour she'd slowly regained in her cheeks over the past few weeks had drained and she looked like she was about to be physically sick.

"There was just so much ..." She croaked almost inaudibly.

"Blood?" He asked, Elliot having already explained what had happened on the phone.

"Yeah." She nodded. "I didn't ... I can't ... I just ..." She stuttered unable to string together a coherent sentence.

"What came into your mind when you saw it Olivia?" Huang asked knowing Olivia had seen worse scenes than that she'd found in her bedroom, there was a reason this one was affecting her so much.

"I was back in the basement... when he ... the pipe." She explained weakly.

"You remembered it happening or you flashed back?" He asked this was the most valuable piece of information he needed to determine her mental state.

"Remembered." She told him. "It wasn't a flash back, it was definitely remembering." She explained.

"Good, ok so what was the worst part?" Huang asked. "The memory or what you were seeing?"

"Neither, I just thought, if there was that much blood here ... how come I didn't bleed out sooner?"

"What do you mean?" Huang asked.

"I was in the basement when he did it and then I went four days without bleeding out why was there so much blood this time, it doesn't make any sense." Olivia explained.

"It's because you'd been using tampons, that had been pressing up against the lacerations and stemmed the bleeding a lot, this time you had stitches that tore apart not opening old wounds but also making them bigger in the process." Huang explained properly, it was the first time she'd really asked much about what had happened and he was happy to answer any question she had.

"I can't get over... everything." She told him honestly.

"No one's expecting you too Olivia." He told her gently.

"I am. I want to get my life back. Get back to work and act like none of this ever happened that's what I tried to do when I came back from Sealview but now ... now all of you know ... and everything that's happened since leaving ... I don't ... I don't know if I'm ever going to be allowed to move on and act like it never happened." Olivia explained.

"What do you mean?" He asked her.

"People with RTS they go through different stages throughout their life, why am I skipping to the end where I want to move on?" Olivia asked looking Huang in the eye.

"That's not always the last stage, acting like it never happened is often one of the first stages for some." Huang explained.

"So what do I do? Quit my job and wait for each stage to hit and hope I'll get to the end with my sanity intact?" Olivia asked.

"No, you get yourself back to work and fight. You only become a victim to the disease if you let yourself become one, the difference with you to so many others Olivia is you have me, Cragen, Elliot, Munch and Fin who have dealt with victims going through RTS and we'll know if you're behaving oddly and if that behaviour is a symptom of RTS and I'll always be around to help you when you need it. As long as it doesn't interfere with your work then there isn't a problem, I told Cragen today that the best thing for you is to get back to work and back in the field as soon as possible." Huang explained as fully as he could.

"You think I'm ready?" Olivia asked feeling hopeful for the first time.

"I do, the sooner you're back out there being a voice for the victims who aren't as strong as you are, well, the sooner you'll heal."

**I'm really starting to wonder where on earth this story is going :/ thinking it will end soon don't see it being more than 20 chapters because I'm bored of it. I will finish it though!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

Olivia walked into the kitchen to make a coffee and sighed when she saw Elliot asleep on her couch. It wasn't that she minded, she in no way minded him being there, but she was fed up with being babysat. As the kettle began to boil Elliot yawned and woke from his sleep. Olivia walked over to him and leaned on the back of the couch so when he opened his eyes the first thing he saw was her smiling face.

"Good morning." She smiled.

He blinked to make sure he wasn't dreaming before rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"Good morning." He replied with a grin.

"I'm making coffee you want some?" She asked as he pushed himself to sitting.

"Yes please but..." He leant in to her. "I would like a kiss too."

She laughed and wrinkled her nose before leaning in and dropping a very gentle kiss on his lips before teasing his mouth open to deepen the kiss. He hesitated but only for a moment, allowing her to lead was the only thing he could do and when she finally pulled away from him he smiled broadly.

"It's a very good morning." He chuckled as she walked off to make them both a coffee.

"So anyway, I've been sat here bored out of my mind with only you for company these past three days, so today, I'm going in to work." Olivia told him from the kitchen.

"Liv..."

"Don't start Elliot, I want to go back today, Cragen said I'd know when I was ready and I'm ready today heck I was ready yesterday too but you wanted to go to watch a movie and I did but today I want to go to work." Olivia explained.

"Fine, if that's what you want to do we'll go to work but I don't think Cragen will let you out in the field Liv and all you're going to do all day is complain that you're bored of the paperwork." Elliot laughed lightly.

"Actually Huang suggested getting back out in the field is what would be best for me, let me get back to normal and all that and I want to get back to normal before the court case because Casey has point blank refused to put a plea bargain in." Olivia explained as she brought the coffee over to the couch.

"Ok, why don't we drink our coffee's and get ready and go to work and then see what Cragen and Huang decide?" Elliot suggested not wanting to get her hopes up.

"Fine." She smiled before giving him a light peck on the cheek. "I'm using the bathroom first." She laughed before walking off with her coffee.

Elliot watched her go, a smile on his face as he gently shook his head. Once the bathroom door clicked shut he picked up his cell phone and text Cragen.

_Liv wants to come in today, can't change her mind, sorry. _

It took seconds for a reply to come back to him.

_Knew it would be sooner rather than later. _

Elliot sighed and placed his phone back on the coffee table in the process picking up his coffee. He'd have preferred Olivia's return to be later not sooner, but she was stubborn and once she had an idea in mind she wouldn't let it go. He knew that better than anyone.

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When Olivia entered the precinct arm in arm with Elliot she smiled at everyone and tried to act completely normal. She was determined not to be the victim everyone seemed to be looking at, she kept reminding herself that she was a cop, and a good one at that. When she entered the bullpen Fin and Munch greeted her with an embrace, it wasn't unusual for Fin but it was for Munch.

"How are you?" Munch asked as soon as Olivia sat down by her desk.

"Good thanks Munch." She smiled at him to show she was fine.

"Sorry we hadn't come over since you got out." Munch replied knowing she'd probably wondered why no one had been to visit her.

"That's ok, you were in the hospital a lot, I needed a break from you!" She winked playfully.

"So you're back then Baby Girl?" Fin asked, he hadn't been sure if she'd ever come back after everything she'd been through.

"I'm back Fin." She smiled understanding how tough it was for him, she knew he had to be blaming himself a little even though she knew it wasn't his fault and she didn't blame him in the slightest.

Olivia took her seat by her desk knowing that she should have gone to the office to tell her Captain that she was there, but she wasn't in the mood for a lecture and decided she'd wait until he spotted her and called her in. She didn't have to wait long.

"Olivia?" He said as he poked his head out of the door.

"Yeah?" She asked lifting her head from the paperwork she'd been doing.

"I didn't think you were back yet, hold on, Elliot, Fin you've got a vic in Mercy attempted rape her name is Katie Thomas go find out what happened." Cragen explained handing Elliot a slip of paper with the details.

"Wait why can't I go?" Olivia asked getting to her feet.

"Olivia..."

"No Captain Elliot's my partner not Fin's and I'm ready to do this." Olivia replied angrily, she knew her superior was just looking out for her but she didn't want to be treated differently she just wanted to do her job.

"Not till you've spoken with Huang, you can be a part of the investigation team on this case but let Fin and Elliot take the victim statement." Cragen replied.

"But I can do it." Olivia replied.

"Not till you've seen Huang and sorry Katie Thomas can't wait so you get upstairs and talk to Huang and then Elliot and Fin are going to Mercy." Cragen replied.

"Fine." She shrugged before heading for the stairs, a quickened step to show how angry she was with her superior.

She arrived outside Huang's door and lifted her hand to knock but stopped just before her fist collided with the door, she wasn't sure why she'd just frozen but she did know that she had hundreds of things going around her head that she wasn't sure if she wanted to disclose to Huang yet. Sighing she finally knocked on the door and waited for the friendly doctor to answer with his usual gentle smile.

"Hi Liv, come in." He smiled letting her walk into the office.

She walked straight over to the couch and sat down just wanting to get it over with. It was obvious to Huang that she wanted to do this quickly but he wasn't quite sure he could go as quickly as she wanted it too.

"So come on ask away." Olivia said as soon as he was sat down making him chuckle a little knowing she wanted to do this and go as soon as she possibly could.

"Ok well let's start with how you're feeling." Huang smiled gently.

"Great, glad to be back and ready to get stuck in." Olivia replied smiling back at him.

"Ok, and physically?" He asked knowing the pain couldn't have gone yet.

"Not as bad as it has been, painkillers don't do anything so I've stopped taking them, it's most painful when I pass urine." Olivia explained honestly knowing the doctor would be able to tell if she lied to him.

"That's good, you're healing Olivia that's going to take some time." Huang replied. "Now have you been having any nightmares or flashbacks to the attack?" Huang asked.

"None." Olivia replied. "Which surprised me, but I think it's because I've been on so much drugs they've been knocking me out so I haven't been having nightmares since leaving the ... hold on, I didn't have any nightmares while I was in hospital either." Olivia frowned, she wasn't sure what it meant but she knew it was something significant.

"You were on a cocktail of medication that made you sleep god knows how many hours Olivia, I'm not surprised you didn't have any nightmares but I am surprised they haven't come back." He replied honestly.

"Me too." Olivia nodded. "I mean I got them real bad before I went back into hospital but I haven't had any since."

"Well it's good that they haven't come back, but I'm just warning you Olivia they could come back, don't think they're gone for good and if they do come back I want you to come and tell me don't hesitate and second guess coming to speak with me about it ok?" He smiled knowing Olivia to be too independent to admit when she needed help.

"Ok." She nodded.

"Now you're back and settled in how has the morning been?" Huang asked.

"Good, I was annoyed when Cragen wouldn't let me go with Elliot into the field I mean, I badly wanted to go but he sent Fin off and made me come and speak with you." Olivia replied.

"Well you have to understand that everyone's shocked about what happened Liv, no one is sure of themselves anymore Cragen especially, he's worried about over pushing you to do things and wants you to take it all slowly."

"I think that should be my decision though George." Olivia replied.

"It is your decision Olivia, you're here aren't you? If Cragen had his own way you wouldn't be here for at least another week but him having you come and talk to me is just a way to keep his own fears at bay, he wants someone else to tell him that letting you be in control of how quickly you move is the right thing." Huang explained thoroughly.

"OK." Olivia nodded. "So I just have to go with what he says to make him happy right?"

"Exactly, I know you're going at the right speed for you, but it's going to take a while for the others to see it."

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**Not much left on this story, I don't know if you're going to like how I'm planning on ending it but ahhh well. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

Olivia had been back at work three days, she'd even had a few hours out in the field limited only to talking to witnesses and perps, Cragen had a difficulty allowing her to speak with victims and Olivia herself agreed that maybe she shouldn't just yet. It was Friday and Olivia was meeting with Casey for a 'friendly' lunch. The truth was Olivia had asked Casey to lunch so she could talk her friend into pleading Lowell Harris out, she didn't want to go to court and have to tell her story again, heck, she hadn't planned on telling anyone what had happened in Sealview and that would have resulted in him getting away with it.

"Ok?" Elliot asked seeing her staring into space from her desk.

"Yeah just thinking." Olivia shrugged turning her attention back to the manila file she'd been reading.

"Liv?" He questioned, he was hyper aware of her actions, he was terrified that she would be having flashbacks or something.

"I was thinking about lunch with Casey, which I have to go to, I'll see you later." She smiled and quickly grabbed her coat before rushing out of the bullpen.

Elliot stared, for a moment he considered rushing after her, making sure she was really alright, but considering she had done nothing but complain about everyone smothering her he knew it was best to let her go and he hoped if she needed him she would talk to him and if not to him to someone.

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Casey smiled and jumped to her feet when Olivia entered the cafe. She'd been on the phone a lot with Olivia and had visited her as much as she could but she hadn't seen the detective since her return to work, seeing her now though she realised that her friend was definitely on the mend.

"Hey!" Casey smiled wrapping Olivia up in an embrace.

"Hey how are you?" Olivia asked returning the favour before taking her seat and grabbing a menu.

"I'm fine, the question is how are you?" Casey asked her voice gentle and calming.

"Fine." Olivia smiled. "Hungry though, have you ordered?"

"No I was waiting for you." Casey replied.

"Ok well let's order before I die of starvation!" Olivia laughed, she wanted to wait before telling Casey the real reason for inviting her out to lunch.

They both quickly decided what they were having and once their drinks were served Casey decided now was the best time to speak with Olivia.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?" Casey asked gently probing her friend.

"I ... Casey hear me out before you say anything? That's all I ask." Olivia stared at her friend.

Casey thought for a moment, she know had a feeling what it was Olivia wanted to discuss and she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear her out but being her best friend she had to and so nodded weakly.

"Ok, well, I want you to plead Harris out." Olivia began nervously. "I know the case against him is solid but Casey I've started to get my life back together, going to court, telling my story to Petrovsky and being cross examined and having a room full of people listening to the details of what happened ... I don't think I could do it and I think it would set me back, I've taken so much time to think this through Case' I'm not saying it I wouldn't have pleasure in seeing him locked up for twenty five to life but I really would like to put all this behind me and move on." She kept her eyes fixated on Casey's as she spoke, looking for a hint of something to help make her argument stronger.

"But Olivia, his lawyer has already asked for a deal and I'm not ready to give him what he's asking for." Casey explained weakly, she understood Olivia's point. "The DA's office will never let me give him that."

"What's he asking for?" Olivia asked her voice a mere whisper.

"Sexual abuse in the second." Casey sighed.

Olivia swallowed hard. Sexual abuse in the second degree was a class A misdemeanour.

"Oh." Olivia sighed eventually, she was considering it in her mind.

"The DA's office will never let me plead him down to a class A misdemeanour when he committed Four class B felonies." Casey explained gently, she knew Olivia would be hurting.

"Four?" She asked in surprise.

"Rape in the first, aggravated sexual assault in the first, Criminal sex act in the first and Attempted Murder." Casey replied her eyes fixed on her glass instead of Olivia.

"Attem ..." Olivia couldn't even string it together in her mind.

"He tried to kill you when he ..." Casey had to take a deep shaky breath, this was her best friend and talking about what he'd done was hard for her so she couldn't begin to imagine how hard it was for Olivia.

"When he what Casey?" Olivia asked her eyes scanning her friend's face trying to find an answer.

"When he thrust that broken metal pole into you." Casey whispered trying to stop the bile from rising in her throat as she spoke.

"That wasn't attempted murder Casey, that's criminal sex act." Olivia replied keeping calm, almost as if she was talking about some other case and not her own.

"No Livia, that was attempted murder, he knew that it would cut you and that you could bleed out. They're the charges the DA wants to bring against Lowell Harris."

"He could get life." Olivia replied. "Can't you see if he'll plead to twenty years for the rape only?"

"He won't Olivia." Casey replied shaking her head.

"Then I'm dropping the charges." Olivia whispered her voice almost non-existent.

"You can't do that now Olivia it's too late, you should know that."

"Then what are you going to do subpoena me?" Olivia asked angrily, she wasn't angry with Casey but she was angry with the DA's office and with one person in particular.

"If I have too." Casey shrugged, it's not what she wanted to say but she had no choice in the matter.

Olivia dropped fifty bucks on the table and gave Casey a death stare before marching out of the cafe, she didn't want to argue with her friend and she understood she was just doing her job but she needed this to be over, sooner rather than later and she knew for that to happen she'd have to take it into her own hands.

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Olivia stared up at the tall building that was Rickers, she wasn't sure if she was doing the right thing anymore. Shaking her head she pushed all thoughts and fears out of her mind and made her way into the building, using her badge as a way of gaining entry to see the one person she'd hoped she'd never lay eyes on again.

As she walked down the spiralling corridors the sound of the gates opening and closing around her made her body shiver, she knew she was verging on having a flashback but she took deep shaky breaths desperate to stay in control of this situation.

She was shown into a small cell and she sat down on one side of the table. The wait felt like hours but mere minutes had passed before he was led into the visiting cell.

"Detective my my my what a surprise."

Olivia stared at Lowell Harris. His mouth had curved into a smirk, his eyes twinkled with lust, desire and a lot of other emotions that made the bile rise into Olivia's throat.

"So what can I do for you?" Harris asked sitting down as Olivia stood firm against the bars of the cage.

"I need you to take a reasonable deal." She explained.

"You need me to? You need something from me?" He cackled evilly.

"No, I want you to, put it this way Harris, go to court and you will be found guilty of four class B felonies and you will not see outside of this prison ever again." She mentally kicked herself for using the word 'need' she didn't want him to think she 'needed' anything from him.

"Depends on the deal." He shrugged.

"It's already been placed on the table Harris, Rape one." Olivia explained.

"That's one class B felony that could still get me twenty five years." Harris shrugged. "If that was added onto the five years I'm already serving, then that's twenty eight years in here. No deal."

Olivia stared at him, her jaw locked in place as she realised that he didn't want to rot in prison for the rest of his life, it made her feel relieved that she could have some control over him, make him feel the way he had made her feel back in the basement.

"I'll speak with the ADA, rape two ten years otherwise I'll see you in court." Olivia hissed trying to show that she meant it even though she didn't, she could never take him to court, she could never sit in the box and testify.

"Get your DA down here." He replied and Olivia nodded before calling for a guard so she could leave.

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**Only one more chapter to go, finally found how to end this story. **


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I don't own L&O SVU or any of the characters in L&O SVU however some characters are figments of my own imagination! **

_**What happens if Fin was too late? What happens if Harris not only forced Olivia to give him oral sex but also vaginally raped her?**_

The courtroom was full and Olivia, Elliot, Cragen, Munch, Fin and Huang sat together in the front row behind the peoples table. It was going to be a rough hour but with Cragen and Elliot's hands firmly gripped in her own Olivia knew she could make it through it.

"I believe that terms have been made and the defendant would like to change his plea?" Petrovsky began.

"Yes your Honour." The defence attorney called and Olivia waited with bated breath for the confession.

"Go on." Petrovsky nodded towards Harris who looked smug in his suit and tie.

"I would like to plead guilty your Honour, while Detective Benson was working undercover I took her down to the basement of Sealview prison, I forced her to perform oral sex on me before penetrating her vaginally and used a foreign object on her nearly killing her in the process."

Olivia couldn't believe her ears, there was no remorse, no emotion at all, he spoke as if he was reading a typed DD5 and not talking about a crime he'd committed.

"I am disgusted by the deal placed on the table, had I not been assured that this deal was Detective Benson's wishes I would throw it out and have you in front of a jury charged with Attempted Murder however that is not the case. Lowell Harris I sentence you to the maximum of fifteen years in Rickers Island Correctional Facility, you will be eligible for parole in ten however you are already imprisoned for five years for the rape of Ashleigh Tyler and you will serve these sentences consecutively."

Olivia watched as the gavel was smacked and Lowell Harris was taken into custody. He couldn't resist looking at her one more time and blowing a kiss towards her. She did the only think she could from where she was sitting and smirked at him, he'd be in prison for fifteen years at the least, he'd become someone's bitch in Rickers and she could only be happy about that.

"It's over." Elliot whispered rubbing his cheek into hers.

"It's over." She agreed turning to him and kissing him gently. "All over."

"Finally." He replied knowing Olivia had wanted this case to be closed weeks ago, now she'd finally be able to really move on with her life knowing that justice was done, Lowell Harris was imprisoned for her rape and wouldn't see outside Rickers for a very long time.

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**And that's it! I really had no idea where to take this story and closing it here just seems right. So THE END. :D **


End file.
